G-spot expert Deborah Sundahl, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale, answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot.

Dear Deborah,

Is lubrication with oil a must or should we reserve it for those times when the surfaces are not that moist? I shall be grateful for your clarification on this rather basic point.

Wishing you a very Happy New Year.

Best regards,

Curious in India

Dear Curious,

Olive oil is nourishing to the skin, as Queen Cleopatra from ancient Egypt knew. Use lubricant that is nourishing to the vagina, like natural oils of any kind (jojoba, almond, avocado, etc.).  View the vagina as skin that needs or likes “food,” rather than using a lubricant to “make” her ready.

As you will learn when you read my book, Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot, I encourage every woman to know her body. This is more than finding a technique or “prescribing” lubricant. You will know when you want to use lubricant, and when you do not need or want to. In this way, you will have more than enough natural lubrication, too!

Again, the more you can listen to your own body, specifically your vagina and what she needs and likes, the more success you will have with the G-spot orgasm and with female ejaculation. And in the end, the more intimate connection you will have to yourself and to your partner.

Have fun!

Deborah

P.S. If you plan to be in the Pacific Northwest this spring, sign up for Deborah Sundahl’s female-ejaculation women’s workshop scheduled for the weekend of April 20-22, 2012. A workshop for couples runs April 27-28, 2012. View more information here at Deborah’s Web site.

P.P.S. Check out Female Ejaculation for Couples by Deborah Sundahl to see how couples can stimulate the G-spot and achieve female ejaculation in a workshop setting.

We were saddened when Steve Jobs died. We knew that Deborah Sundahl was an early proponent of Apple, Steve Jobs and all subsequent products.

Susie Bright wrote a very funny tribute to those early days at On Our Backs, when Deborah would ponder dilemmas with “What would Steve Jobs do?”

“Steve Jobs and the Lesbian Erotic Revolution” is a worthwhile read. Get ready for some laughs. We urge you to subscribe to Susie’s blog too.

In “Ask Fanny,” a regular Fatale Media newsletter column, G-spot expert Deborah Sundahl, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale, answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot.

Dear Fanny,
I have three kids in grade school and to be honest our lovemaking is taking a beating. There just is no time for quality time together sexually, much less learn about female ejaculation, which seem to take a lot of time to learn.

Do you have any suggestions?

Signed,

Swamped in Pennsylvania

Dear Swamped,
Every parent I know has the same problem, and yet the answer is what parent guides have been saying for years: you must take time for your relationship!

I firmly believe that once a month you MUST schedule a weekend together, alone and uninterrupted. Sexuality and lovemaking and time together form the glue that keeps your relationship strong. If you starve it, you end up hurting the entire family in the end. You must put your relationship first, and you must spend the money to invest in this.

Often, the grandparents are all too happy to babysit the kids. One couple I know had 10 brothers and sisters and grandparents all in town, happy to watch the kids, but he didn’t want to “impose.” For one thing, cousins want to see each other, and second, to the vast majority of grandparents, their grandkids are the most important thing in their life and gives them great joy. I told him he was not only robbing his immediately family but his extended family as well.

No family around?  You must develop your neighborhood network of swapping and watching one another’s kids.

Logistics and commitment aside, once you have a weekend together, believe me you will have plenty of time to learn how to female ejaculate!

Practice, practice, practice. That’s the key, in my experience, to learning new sexual techniques.

When you see how good you feel and how restored your relationship is, you won’t hesitate to make time for you and your sweetheart.

Good luck!

Fanny

P.S. Want to find out more about female ejaculation?

Check out Deborah Sundahl’s popular sex-education DVD Female Ejaculation for Couples.

G-spot expert Deborah Sundahl, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale, answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot.

Dear Fanny,
What is tantra? Is it all New Age sex stuff? What does it have to do with female ejaculation?

Caroline in New York

Dear Caroline in New York,
Tantra is about sexual energy. Tantra is also a religion and a science that goes back about 3,000 years or more.

People then believed that sex was sacred. Their temples were carved with statues from floor to ceiling, depicting individuals, couples and groups in every imaginable sexual position and behavior. They developed hours-long rituals to set every nerve on erotic fire. And because they were meditation and yoga masters, they could hold these positions a very long time.

Margot Anand, M.A from Sorbonne University in France, is responsible for bringing this knowledge to the west in early 1980s. Her book, The Art of Sexual Ecstasy, is the sourcebook of Tantra and I highly recommend it. (These links are both to her site, margotanand.com.)

Where Tantra enters the picture with female ejaculation – and which I talk about in my lectures and classes – is using the Tantra technique to reawaken the dulled sensations of the G-spot, the female prostate. Men know the prostate is ultrasensitive; why can’t women feel theirs? Numbed out due to the way we ram it in, in Western culture.

Tantra teaches us to use the breath and energy to develop exquisite sensations of erotic pleasure, pleasure that the G-spot is capable of and is the source of.

Good luck!

Fanny

P.S. Check out Deborah Sundahl’s DVD Tantric Journey to Female Orgasm.

G-spot expert Deborah Sundahl, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale, answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot. You may send your questions to askfanny@fatalemedia.com; please put FE Q&A in the subject line.

Dear Fanny,
As lesbians, my girlfriend and I have been working at awakening the sensations of our G-spots for some time now. We are noticing how much easier it is to feel erotic pleasure just from gently touching the G-spot and focusing on it. Tantra talks about a merging of sexual energy, and you talk about how this is best transmitted through the G-spot. So what is the best way to do this?

Lenora in Massachusetts

Dear Lenora,
What a great letter! This is my suggestion to begin, as there are many more ways that you will discover as you go along.

Try putting your mouths together and your fingertips touching on the body of each other’s G-spot (where the ridges are). Then, using the breath and being still, let the erotic energy rise up, first in your genitals. Then, using the breath, breathe all that collected erotic energy in your genitals “up” to your mouths. 

This is a basic Tantra technique. As you practice this technique of “inner listening” to the body’s feelings of arousal, you will find your erotic energy growing faster and easier each time.

Also, putting your mouths together in a loving kiss actually makes an energetic circle from your fingers and G-spots to your mouths, which enables this process of energetic orgasm. A great book that explains this concept and offers techniques is Healing Love through the Tao: Cultivating Female Sexual Energy by Mantak Chia (Destiny Books, 2005).
 
Your ejaculation will change as well; it will simply flow out of your body! So, no more stunning and showy feminist ejaculation that you push out to “spray the wall”—the feminist mantra we used when we first made the female-ejaculation video How to Female Ejaculate.

Tantric Journey to Female Orgasm: Awaken Your G-spot shows how ejaculate flows out via energetic stimulation of the G-spot.

As they say, “You’ve come a long way, baby.” Indeed!  Now the new territory to explore is energetic sexuality. With its ties to spirit, this is like the feminist Goddess culture reborn! Enjoy the new adventure.

Deborah

P.S. See Deborah Sundahl live! Spring tour dates include the East Coast of the U.S. this week; Vancouver, B.C. and Seattle in late April, early May; New Mexico on May 10-11; England, France and Germany beginning mid-May. See Deborah’s full schedule at the Isis Media Web site.

Here are the top 5 best-sellers for March 2011:

1. Bend Over Boyfriend – Fatale’s best-selling title of all time, this instructional DVD starring Carol Queen remains the best and most thorough how-to on anal sex for men.

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2. Bend Over Boyfriend 2 – “More rockin’ less talkin’”— the tagline from director Shar Rednour on BOB2, which also stars Carol Queen.

The perfect follow-up once you’ve got the basics from Bend Over Boyfriend.

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3. Hard Love and How to Fuck in High Heels – when you want high-drama sexy as they come butch/femme porn, this is one you won’t want to miss. Starring Shar Rednour and Jackie Strano.

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4. Crash Pad Series Volume 6 – The latest from Shine Louise Houston, The Crash Pad mastermind and diva herself.

Lesbian, queer, butch and FTM, interracial sex…Shine makes sure no matter what your taste, there’s something in there just for you.

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5. Female Ejaculation for Couples – Three couples, under the tutelage of female-ejaculation expert Deborah Sundahl, learn to female ejaculate.

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See Fatale’s best lesbian videos.

See all Fatale Media’s DVDs.

Female-ejaculation expert and Tantric goddess Deborah Sundahl is offering a “Level II” Tantra workshop and evening experience in Santa Fe, New Mexico on Saturday, April 16, 2011. The program begins at 4 p.m. and runs till 11 p.m. The evening program includes instruction and practice, plus cocktails, dinner and a hot tub soak for anyone wishing to unwind after the program.

Preregistration is required by end of day Sunday, April 10, 2011. Register online at Santa Fe Tantric Arts.

Deborah Sundahl writes the “Ask Fanny: About Female Ejaculation” blog Q&A for Fatale Media; is the director and star of instructional female-ejaculation DVDs, including Female Ejaculation for Couples; and author of Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot.

For more information and to register, go to Santa Fe Tantric Arts:
http://santafetantricarts.com/sundahl_level2.aspx

G-spot expert Deborah Sundahl, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale, answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot. You may send your questions to askfanny@fatalemedia.com; please put FE Q&A in the subject line.

Dear Fanny,
I don’t think my girlfriend can female ejaculate anymore. Is this possible, when women get older they don’t always have the same physical reactions?

Frank

Dear Frank,
Age and being able to female ejaculate do not seem to be related. In fact, women can usually gush the same amount of fluid as they age, even into old age. We are finding that our ideas about sex as we age do not have to do with diminished interest, but with health. Stay fit, gals!

There are other reasons why women stop ejaculating, too. Primarily, there are two reasons: 1) a woman’s partner has indicated, usually right after a woman ejaculates, that he or she doesn’t like female ejaculation; or 2) a woman is having diminished feelings for her partner, or there is some temporary problem with intimacy in the relationship; or 3) she feels pressured by her partner to either ejaculate or to learn how.

All these affect a woman’s ability to ejaculate because female ejaculation and affection are often intertwined, and because so little is really known about how female ejaculation works with emotions, most women do not put two and two together.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Deborah Sundahl

P.S. To learn the basics of female ejaculation and the G-spot, take a look at How to Female Ejaculate: Find Your G-Spot by Deborah Sundahl, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale.

G-spot expert Deborah Sundahl, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale, answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot. You may send your questions to askfanny@fatalemedia.com; please put FE Q&A in the subject line.

Dear Fanny,
My [partner] is a bbw and she just started squirting but it just kind of runs out. What tips do you have to make her squirt longer and harder?

Jason

Dear Jason,
Your big beautiful woman ejaculates! Please give her my congratulations!

“Just kind of runs out”? Sir, if you please. Is there a more appreciative way to state this?

Most women do not arc out like a porn star; most women gush or flood, which is what your partner is doing. This is 100% normal.

Strong PC muscles help ejaculate shoot out, so Kegel exercises always help in that regard. This is not the goal, however, which is why I don’t only teach tips on how to “make her squirt longer and harder.”

Rather, the primary goal is expressing love and satisfaction with your big beautiful woman. Then she will ejaculate freely and there will be more of it.

Fanny

P.S. To learn the basics of female ejaculation and the G-spot, and to watch four women female ejaculate (including arcing), see How to Female Ejaculate: Find Your G-Spot by Deborah Sundahl, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale.

P.P.S. To watch Deborah guide three couples through the process of learning to female ejaculate, check out Female Ejaculation for Couples.

G-spot expert Deborah Sundahl, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale, answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot. You may send your questions to askfanny@fatalemedia.com; please put FE Q&A in the subject line.

Deborah,
I first heard about you listening to the Playboy radio channel. You are absolutely gorgeous. My wife and I are 56 and the loving feeling is gone. She has gone through menopause and does not care about sex. She says I can have her if I want to, but I want her to want it not just to feel sorry for me. Can you recommend something to help? She doesn’t want to take hormones and I’m wondering if any of your specialties could help.

Jim
Arizona
 
 
Dear Jim,
In a nutshell, once women reach menopause, most do not want the standard fare that they have had all their life–sex that is rather like sport sex. Women after menopause do not lose their libido, they lose their desire for this kind of sex and want far more loving, connective and energetic intercourse with a man who expresses his love for her.
 
This time of life for you both can be so loving and close, as the sex moves from sex to lovemaking. Women like your wife often do not realize there is more for them. I don’t hear you talk about love, so perhaps that isn’t there for you either, in your own heart? 
 
The G-spot, as I may or may not have said on the radio, is all about love. Gateway to deeper love and intimacy. The first step is for her to understand and awaken her G-spot on her own! She has to want to. You can’t do it for her, like many men want and like many woman think the knight will ride in and save the day. 
 
And you must awaken your own G-spot too, so visit the Aneros site, get yourself a toy, and start opening up your own sexuality for your next phase of life. It will be the best “sex” you have ever experienced throughout your entire body, and it will be gentle on an aging body, as well.
 
I will send my workshop announcement to you.  Please read it, as you will get the drift of where I am going with the G-spot, when I talk about love and aging.
 
Deborah

To see more about Deborah Sundahl’s female-ejaculation and G-spot workshops, check out her Web site: www.isismedia.org.

She is hosting a 3-day “Feminine Fountain Workshop” for women only, September 24-26, 2010, in Palm Coast, Florida. The registration deadline has been extended to September 15, 2010.

If you can’t attend one of Deborah’s very popular workshops, we recommend her female ejaculation DVDs, in particular Female Ejaculation: The Workshop and Female Ejaculation for Couples .