Each woman is different, and she may or may not like what you’re doing, so you can always peek up and ask, “Do you like this? Is this all right?”

Some women like to experience a finger or two or three inside while you suck her clitoris, but for some the sensations are so different that some women prefer to focus. Start with the clit, then gently ease a finger in and see if she still likes it. As she becomes more aroused, her G-spot may start begging for some curved finger action inside. Go for it!

As for her butt, some women like a finger inside her butt, and for some women it distracts from the main event. Just remember never to put a finger in her butt and then in her cunt. That’s a no-no. You want to avoid infection. You can go in the other direction, from her vagina to her anus, but don’t reverse direction.

Wear gloves. That’s always good advice. But we know that even the best-intentioned lovers don’t always come prepared. And longtime lovers may think foregoing gloves is okay. It may be; just be aware of what you’re doing and where you are.

Lick to your heart’s content! The taste should be clean and delicious as she becomes more aroused. Ditto the smell, as mentioned above.

If she has her period, you can still perform that most delectable act of cunnilingus if she wants it and if she permits it. Move the tampon string aside and keep your fingers out of her unless she specifically requests it.

Be gentle, and let her moans of pleasure guide you.

To see one of the loveliest lesbian cunnilingus scenes on film, check out One Night Stand. And the scene with Anja and Eva in Coming Home features a great scene with real lesbian 69 with close-ups.

Shar’s Confessions once again. I just like confessing to the Fatale audience. I don’t know why.

This article does include some tips for romance. I have been known as a lesbian romance and sex expert, giving advice for years. Let’s get down to it: there’s a line in the sand, my friends–the romantic planning people and the rest of us. Which side are you on? And which side is your love on? Yes, wake her up and read this to her.

For those of you who are just the best organizers and such romantic planners, why are you even reading this? YOU are the person who my wife, Jackie, points out to me, “Veronica is taking her love to Amsterdam.” “Denise has made her love a shadowbox full of ANTIQUED photos and is giving it to her on a ferry going under Golden Gate Bridge!!!”

I think I am being romantic when I remember to send her a nasty text for her lunch hour. Yes, laugh at me. Go ahead. I am laughing at myself. Sometimes even though I am the femme I relate to the guys on those daytime talk shows who think a fuck and buying you a glass of champagne is good enough. “Whaa?”

To be fair to myself, I should explain that oftentimes one’s weakness can be one’s strength because we are aware of it. I overcompensate to make up for my lack of natural romantic planning. Now, I call my friend Veronica and simply ask HER what’s she’s doing, then I copy it. Don’t tell Jackie.

But I am good at keeping intimacy and sex alive in a lesbian coupledom.

Please copy me and I won’t tell on this part.

1) Skip the Dinner
For Valentine’s Day most people go out for a fancy dinner. If you never get to go out and this is your big treat, then by all means go for it. For me, though, I find the fastest ticket to opening up and creating intimacy with your lover doesn’t always start with a heavy meal.

2) Plan where you can be intimate.
Do you live alone? Will you have the house to yourself? If not, instead of spending that money on a big meal, plan for a hotel. On the Internet these days you can get all kinds of bargains in your price range. Get a hotel even if you can’t take advantage of it for more than a couple of hours. And most importantly, get a room with a bathtub. Even if you get a cheap room, get one with a bath.

3) A) Plan sexy food. B) Plan after-sex food.
Obviously it’s freezing in most places so this is up to where you live. Get your and your love’s favorite appetizers. Wine, champagne, whatever drinks or smokes you want. Also water. For after sex, pick up something filling and yummy–your favorite comfort food. Couple of burritos, whatever. Keep them warm and hide them.

4) Pack the Love Bag.
If you are at home, get it all ready. Remember the lube, candles, sex toys, music, DVD player, favorite sexy movies, etc. If you can set up the hotel room ahead of time, without her there, all the better.

5) Pack the after bag.
Comfy clothes, favorite bath salts, lotion.

6) Thoughts and love.
Think ahead of what is special about her and about you two together. Write down your thoughts in a card. Picture how you are going to express yourself to her.

7) Make the Connection.
Start with your tasty bites…I meant the hor d’oeuvres but yes, nibble on her or offer your body for the nibbling. Don’t process the bad times or the old days or–especially if you are a new couple, please don’t process about your Ex! (See Hard Love for that.) Talk about what you like about yourselves as a couple and her and the future. Then start kissing. Don’t wait for her to start stuff. Go for it. Get in there. If you have time do a striptease for her or demand that she do one for you. Fuck your brains out. I mean it. ESPECIALLY if you are moms or caretakers or overworkers or or or not had sex in a while. FILL UP YOUR SEX GAS TANK!!!

Having sex creates vulnerability and also sets off excellent hormones and body responses that make us feel good. Being vulnerable creates a special bond between you and your love.

8 ) After sex and vulnerability.
Lay back and watch more porn, but this time pick out one with humor too. Like Sugar High Glitter City. No, not Lost. Sorry, that’s for a different night. Take a bath. Eat comfort food and get turned on again or laugh and discuss the positions. This time you might just kiss and kiss since your bellies will be full.

Or you’ll be reenergized for round two.

Jackie and I used to always have a big Valentine’s Day party every year with invitations that read “To Singles, couples, multiples that we like or that we will like once we meet you!” No Wendy Whiners allowed.

Many people hate or dread Valentine’s Day. It is made up by Hallmark, after all. Those very people loved our party. We put on the love for everyone. It was a great excuse to get dressed up and dance and hug and be schmaltzy and share the love. That whole couple Valentine’s Day article I wrote is actually what we do on our private anniversary. We always put on a public Valentine’s Day so that everyone has a good time sharing our fun and love.

I could write some fun and sassy masturbation or group-sex article. But actually I think that you should throw a Valentine’s Day party even if it’s small and for only a few people. We had a pink potluck party one year where everyone had to bring a pink food. Some of it was yummy; most of it was hilarious. My friend Patrick made a pink Jello mold creation from his mom’s 1973 recipe that we couldn’t stop laughing over and finally threw the leftovers out into the gutter in the San Francisco rain. IT NEVER MELTED! I walked past it for days, and it was still there jiggling!!!

If you want to take your party up a notch, make a porn potluck theme–Positions You Would Like to Try. Dyke Porn Stars You Would Like to Do.

Or play truth-or-dare porn. Watch Full Load or Special Delivery and get your friends to confess to what they have done, will do and would never do. The ideas are endless. The point is, anyone can stick her nose up at a created holiday and sit at home eating microwave popcorn, or you can decide it is a good time in the cold winter to have some laughs, share your affections with your friends and get heated up from the inside out.

Masturbating while your lover watches can be scary at first. You’re completely vulnerable. Whether you’re in a hot tub with your pussy up against the streaming jets of water or whether you’re lying in bed with the vibrator turned on high, you have to force yourself into your body, purely into your own space, allowing yourself to really feel what you feel. To let your clit take over.

But once you let go, the trust seems to deepen…and okay, we’ll admit it, the desire for more–including penetration–often takes over.

What’s the best way to begin? Talking to your lover is always good advice, but having a vibrator at the ready also helps.

Try pulling it out and smiling suggestively. Let the little thing buzz. If you’ve got music or a video on, the buzzing won’t make it seem like you’ve taken up beekeeping.

If your partner wants to participate, just say, “I’ll be all yours in a moment, honey. I just want to try something different.”

Watching is a great turn-on. You can talk dirty, or caress your lover’s face or breasts without distracting her.

There’s some fabulous porn that can inspire a solo scene with your partner too. Suburban Dykes has a wonderful side-by-side masturbation scene with Nina Hartley and Pepper together on a phone sex line. Whoa, mama!

We’re also partial to the Mystery Masturbator in Take Her Down!–explicit and actually a good how-to for those of you who feel squeamish or unsure how to actually get things going down there.

If you’re into anal, we recommend Greta’s vignette in Clips with an anal self-loving scene that will open you up for sure!

Our friend Cory Silverberg has compiled some straightforward how-to advice at About.com. And don’t forget our good friend Betty Dodson, the queen of masturbation and author of the classic Sex For One.

One last word of advice, let yourself go. Don’t stop till you’ve come at least once!
Want more lovers’ masturbation tips? Check out “Masturbation for Lovers.”

Note: “Sex for One for Two” originally appeared in a slightly different form in the January 2004 Fatale Media newsletter.

Back-Door Positions
Anal sex isn’t as complicated as it might seem when you’ve never tried it, but discovering the pleasures of anal sex is an unexcelled delight.

For women who like to take it, there’s nothing quite like the feeling of fingers inside and another finger poking in the back door. It’s also an utter turn-on for stimulating the G-spot.

For those who like it with a dildo, there are three main positions that come in handiest when you’re in the mood.

Missionary position: Anal sex in the missionary position (one of you lying on your back, the one with the dildo facedown on top) takes lifting your legs higher in the air, and some strategic kneeling if you’re on top. Put a pillow under your butt. This helps raise your pelvis and provide a “good opening” for that anal dildo.

Doggie-style: This position is the easiest for first-timers. That butt is right in front of you and you can stand up while your partner leans over the edge of a bed, couch, chair…or even the kitchen table! Try it. If you’re the bottom and trying this for the first time, spread your arms out and grab hold of whatever you can find. And relax! This is the easiest entry for mind-blowing fun.

Sitting up and facing backwards: This position doesn’t really have a name. We used to think of it as “girl on top,” but really if you’re the one who’ll be getting it, you’ll be facing away from your partner, not facing each other. We think this works best if you’re using a butt plug or dildo—they have good smaller ones for this type of activity—but it’s great for a finger or two, too.

Gay guys no doubt have a zillion more positions to enjoy this most enjoyable sex act, but these three are, in our opinion, good for starting out.

And remember the three bending over “bare necessities” whether you’re on the top or the bottom:
1. A condom or latex glove
2. Lots and lots and lots of water-based lube
3. Relax and talk to each other

To learn more about anal pleasure, check out Bend Over Boyfriend.

Dancing to entice your prey is so sexy. My favorite part of One Night Stand is the beginning when they are dancing at the club and end up in a hot bathroom make-out. I love it.

In Hard Love we have a femme Renee stripping for a butch and–I think the first ever butch (Devon) to strip on screen. You can easily watch her moves for tips on how to do this at home. She is not perfect–I actually taught her in the moment on set. And that is a good learning tool.

The pros make it look easy, then you try it and fall down getting off your panties!

Tip 1: Don’t wear panties. Joking. Lie down on your back and stretch your legs above your head to take off your panties. Butches or masculine folks: have your babe or boi pull down your briefs for you to find a big surprise waiting!

I find the anticipation of sex one of the best ways to get yourself eaten alive.

Tip 2: When doing a striptease, judge your audience. Is your lover (or lovers) going to be able to sit there and wait until the show is over with? Try tying her up to a kitchen chair (with no arms) with your bathrobe sash if think she is going to scoop you up and carrying you off to bed before the show is over with. Did you see how Renee and Devon ravaged each other after the heat factor went up from the stripping?

I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING–what’s so bad about being dragged off to bed before the tease is done? Or better yet thrown right down and fucked silly right there on the floor? Well, it is better. If you make them wait, and squirm, and salivate, and make their fists open and close, fingers and cocks rising waiting. Trust me. It’s better.

Tip 3: For those wearing combat boots or any boots: Untie or loosen your laces before you get started. Our PA loved loosening Johnny Fremont’s (Devon’s) laces. I had to slap her to get her out of the shot.

Tip 4: Front-closure bras. That does help.

Tip 5: Zippers not buttons. Whether it’s a long zipper down your back that you need help with or a dykedick hiding under Levi’s fly.

Note: intermediates and pros can handle some buttons of course. Just practice. When there’s no time, grab the clothes with zippers. And if they stick–be prepared to lose the dress forever because you’ll want to just rip it off!

Bonus Tip: You don’t need a pole to strip for your lover.

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Shar Rednour is the femme diva who runs S.I.R. Video with her partner, Jackie Strano. She is also the director of Hard Love and How to Fuck in High Heels, Sugar High Glitter City and many other sexy DVDs.

As we head into Pride weekends over the summer, you are no doubt going to be seeing a lot of queer folk in fetish wear. Here in San Francisco we see it all from grown men in fuzzy Pan suits (that’s the pagan Pan) to the typical chaps with some hot asses (hopefully) in full sight. Don’t forget that this isn’t just a fashion statement but related to sexual fetishes.

Do you dream of a motorcycle babe throwing you on her throbbing ride and throttling you away? Do you actually masturbate to the image? If you watch my movies or read my writing you will know that I am pretty obvious in my fetishes: shoes, feet, hands…more hands. I particularly love to indulge others in their fetishes as well doing eyeglass photo shoots, public sex and more. All with photographer artist Phyllis Christopher, www.thesexystuff.com.

At SIR Productions, we worked together as well. She’s in our outtakes in Talk to Me Baby; she’s in the beginning of How to F*ck in High Heels as well. But my fetishes are not fakes on film. Our fetishy, fantasy-filled orgasms inspired our work to the degree of obsession.

So how about you? Do you really have a fetish? Let’s find out with my handy quiz.

When you jill-off do you think of:

a) Two or even three bodies rubbing together in some sex act?
b) Being tied up with panty hose shoved in your mouth as someone tickles your knees?
c) Being forced to eat a cupcake while Babes-o-rama plow you from behind?
d) Forcing your gal to eat a cupcake while you plow her from behind?
e) I can’t answer right now, Shar. There is a stiletto heel against my temple and I am about to cum. Talk to ya later.

I get most turned on by:

a) The thought of genuine lovemaking and a good orgasm.
b) Titties bouncing.
c) Sniffing dyke hands.
d) Staring at dyke hands…then screaming wildly when they touch my high heels.
e) Sticking my toes in pudding. Butterscotch pudding.

I’m embarrassed to admit that:

a) It’s not only guys buying those naked aerobic videos.
b) There’s nothing wrong with women in headbands (did I mention ’80s naked aerobic videos?).
c) I wish my lover wore a dirty jock strap and talked about locker rooms.

PARTY GAMES

Last but not least no Summer of Pride is complete without party games. Try this one.

Guess My Fetish! This is more fun than it sounds. It’s kind of a group Newlyweds game. Each person has to write her own fetish on a card and keep it hidden so no one can see. Then take turns when as a group you debate what each person’s fetish is. Finally, pick as a group (this makes it fun because you have to argue with each other like Family Feud and make a group decision for your bet on her fetish). Then do the reveal to see who’s right. Pick what your loser–either the trusting lesbian or the misguided group –has to do: drinks, kiss, shows their tits, you know your peeps. Pick something good.

Pin the Feather on the Fetish

Hang up pictures on the wall of items to represent typical fetishes such as a woman’s legs, breasts, high heels, work boots, eyeglasses, leather and lace, boxer shorts, hot hands, armpits, etc.

Blindfold your lucky contestant. Turn her in circles and give a feather with sticky tape on the end. Wherever she sticks it is the fetish she has to try. Either just thinking about it while masturbating or doing it with a lover. Of course you can have a “tryout” closet ready at the party and take down the results onsite if you wish!

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So, what’s your fetish?

To see the gorgeous femme Shar Rednour in action, check out Hard Love and How to F*ck in High Heels and Sugar High Glitter City.

Dear Fanny,
If you’ve never female ejaculated before, where do you begin? How do you convince a perhaps skeptical partner that this exists? How much time do you need?

Lastly, I’m over 50; does it matter how old you are?

Signed,

Nervous in Nevada

Dear Nervous,
The first step to begin to learn how to female ejaculate is to inform yourself about what female ejaculation is and where it comes from.  In my experience, half the work of learning how to female ejaculate is done by educating yourself on the subject.

Female ejaculation is prostatic fluid with a little bit of glucose (sugar). This fluid is produced by the female prostate. The female prostate is the G-spot. All women have one, as do all men. Therefore, all women can ejaculate if they want to learn how.

Learning how to ejaculate is fairly easy. Most women can accomplish it in a few months, if not right away, once they realize an important factor: the feeling of needing to pee is actually the urge to ejaculate. 

What can take many years to learn is how to reawaken the sensations of the G-spot, which are ultrasensitive by nature but numbed out in most women.

A sizable minority of partners does not know about female ejaculation; therefore, if partners are surprised with this information during sex, they get shocked and often react in an angry and/or turned-off manner. So, first thing to do if you ejaculate already, or learn to do so later, is to tell a new partner, “I ejaculate!”

Meanwhile, the best way to convince a skeptical partner that female ejaculation and the G-spot do indeed exist is by ejaculating when making love. Surprise them with the wet towel under their nose, so they take a good, deep sniff. They will smell for themselves that it is not urine. That should take care of the issue of skepticism right then and there.

Lastly, you can learn to ejaculate at any age. Age does not seem to make ejaculating harder or make the amount of ejaculate less. In fact, older women can have an edge on the ease of learning how to ejaculate, because older women are more inclined to want to relax and open their body to more sensuality—a state that makes it easier to ejaculate.

Good luck!

Fanny

Send your questions to askfanny@fatalemedia.com. 

To learn to female ejaculate, buy Deborah Sundahl’s latest sexy, educational DVD Female Ejaculation: The Workshop.

Watch as Lydia, Wendy and Fass learn to find and stimulate their G-spots to stunning G-spot orgasms. Close-up shots of the G-spot, anatomy charts to help you see and locate your own G-spot in the privacy of your home.

You can also take an in-person workshop with Deborah Sundahl. Her next two workshops are to be held in Santa Fe, New Mexico:

Female Ejaculation Workshop for Women Only, Santa Fe, New Mexico
July 3 – 5, 2009.
Cost $200, plus lodging and food at a lovely Santa Fe resort location.
Registration closes this week, Saturday, June 20, 2009
Contact Deborah now if you are interested at deborah@isismedia.org.
More info.

Female Ejaculation Workshop for Couples, Santa Fe, NM
September 4 – 7, 2009 (Labor Day Weekend)
Cost $600 per couple, plus lodging and food at a lovely Santa Fe resort location.
Registration closes Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Contact Deborah if you are interested at deborah@isismedia.org.
More info. 

In October, 2009, Deborah heads to Canada and Europe. We’ll update you on her fall schedule as we get the information.

You can masturbate while your partner watches, or watch as your lover masturbates. Or you can both just lie there and enjoy listening as her breathing quickens.
Some couples like to get in the mood by watching a sexy DVD. Other couples talk dirty to each other.

Use your vibrator or your hand. You can also lie on your belly and ride a pillow, which works great especially if your vibrator is plugged in and humming.

Rules or no rules? Some couples like to have set guidelines. Do you have to ask permission? Do you like being touched while you’re masturbating? If you’re not sure, just roll with it.

If your lover touches you—perhaps stroking your breast or belly, perhaps putting her hand on top of yours while you masturbate—see how you feel. Is it a pleasant sensation? Distracting? Do you like it? Talk with your lover about the experience.

If you’re shy, the best way to try masturbating with your partner is to get under the covers, turn off the lights and close your eyes. Relax and let your fantasies take you where you will. Touch yourself and let yourself feel the sensations of skin and hair. Then gradually touch yourself between your legs and explore.

Masturbating together in the shower or bathtub can be a real turn-on, too. You’ll need some lube, no doubt, so make sure you’ve got some nearby.

If you’ve got a Jacuzzi, hot tub or sauna, position yourself over one of those jets of water and tease your lover by masturbating for her. She can choose to just watch or please herself over another water jet.

Most of all, have fun! If it’s not fun, then there’s no sense continuing. Instead, ask your lover for what you want. Talk to her. Find out what’s holding her back or why she doesn’t like to see you masturbate.

For a sexy side-by-side masturbation scene with Nina Hartley and Pepper (Miss Sharon Mitchell stars as well), check out Suburban Dykes, still one of Fatale’s faves and a classic.

Carol Queen, in Bend Over Boyfriend, emphasizes talking about anal sex before you do it. One way to bring up the subject is to talk about your fantasies with your partner, preferably while you’re fully dressed, but after making love is a good time too.

Sometimes it’s hard to talk first. Reader Gaye from New York City writes to suggest rolling over on to your belly while making love, then sticking your ass up in the air.

Later on, say to your lover, “I really liked it when you touched my ass.” See what your partner’s reaction is, and use that as a basis for later conversation.

Recently, a customer called to say that he’d heard about Bend Over Boyfriend because a friend of his wanted him to “try it, and be open to it.” She told him to watch the DVD and then they’d talk about it. Good idea, we told him.

Another idea is to write a love letter to your honey, and just say, “I want it!”

Find out more about Bend Over Boyfriend and Bend Over Boyfriend 2.