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Fatale Media Newsletter January 2004
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In This Issue:
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Happy New Year!
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Dear Friend,
Sometimes, in the middle of winter, it's hard to feel sexy when flannel pajamas and a cup of cocoa beckon. It's been cold here in the American Southwest, up in the mountains where we live. Some snow, the distinct smell of piñon pine burning in neighbors' fireplaces.
Then again, cold winter nights can also inspire the imagination. It was Christi's birthday this last month, on the 14th, and when she returned from a shopping jaunt in New York City, Nan wined and dined her in her favorite local restaurant, then brought her home for chocolate mousse cake and a surprise present:
Real silk panties, one pair pink and one black. Suddenly, feeling sexy underneath all those heavy clothes was real. Romance came calling.
And while thongs are great for summertime, there's something about the whipped-cream-like brush of the silk all across your backside that makes it the perfect wintertime come-on, the perfect prelude for a long, slow evening in bed.
Stay warm.
Happy New Year!
Nan & Christi
nan@fatalemedia.com
christi@fatalemedia.com
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Masturbating with your partner is a tried-and-true "sex tip" said to get you in the mood for penetration. But we think solo sex can be fun when one partner merely watches. Something interesting happens. The sexual energy changes; the dynamics between the two of you change.
Masturbating while your lover watches can be scary at first. You're completely vulnerable. Whether you're in a hot tub with your pussy up against the streaming jets of water or whether you're lying in bed with the vibrator turned on high, you have to force yourself into your body, purely into your own space, allowing yourself to really feel what you feel. To let your clit take over.
But once you let go, the trust seems to deepen...and okay, we'll admit it, the desire for more--including penetration--often takes over.
What's the best way to begin? Talking to your lover is always good advice, but having a vibrator at the ready also helps.
Try pulling it out and smiling suggestively. Let the little thing buzz. If you've got music or a video on, the buzzing won't make it seem like you've taken up beekeeping.
If your partner wants to participate, just say, "I'll be all yours in a moment, honey. I just want to try something different."
Watching is a great turn-on. You can talk dirty-sexy, or caress your lover's face or breasts without distracting her.
There's some fabulous porn that can inspire a solo scene with your partner too. Suburban Dykes has a wonderful side-by-side masturbation scene with Nina Hartley and Pepper together on a phone sex line. Whoa, mama!
We're also partial to the Mystery Masturbator in Take Her Down!--explicit and actually a good how-to for those of you who feel squeamish or unsure how to actually get things going down there.
If you're into anal, we recommend Greta's vignette in Clips with an anal self-loving scene that will open you up for sure!
Anne Semans has a straightforward how-to piece at About.com. And don't forget our good friend Betty Dodson, the queen of masturbation and author of the classic Sex For One.
One last word of advice, let yourself go. Don't stop till you've come at least once!
E-mail your tips and tricks to christi@fatalemedia.com. You could be published here!
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Many of you know g-spot expert Deborah Sundahl as Fanny Fatale. In "Ask Fanny," an exclusive column created just for this newsletter, she answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot.
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Dear Fanny,
Yesterday morning I was surprised to feel a warm fluid coming from my vagina... I am in my first year of menopause and thought I had begun menstruation. I was shocked to find a clear mucous-like fluid flowing out in copious amounts. This was not a sexual moment. No signs of infection--I am healthy and have wonderful orgasms but with no sacred fluid. Have attended a tantric retreat for women and loved that--always wanted to find this fluid--what do you think? Can this fluid be spontaneous outside of a sexual situation?
Many thanks and blessings to you,
Beth
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Dear Beth,
Few people know that ejaculate is constantly emitted from the G-spot (female prostate). The glands and ducts of the prostate continually create and expel tiny amounts of ejaculate. Any kind of movement, from walking to athletic activity, even urination, helps to expel the ejaculate. Normally, these amounts are so small, we don't notice it.
But occasionally, women expel greater amounts of ejaculate without sexual activity, just as a woman may be wet enough vaginally to drip vaginal juices without sexual arousal. In addition, I have heard many stories of women attending Tantra retreats who ejaculate for the first time, and very easily, afterwards.
However, ejaculate is clear and not mucousy. Therefore, in your case, I suspect that your emotional experience at the Tantra retreat, combined with your menopausal hormonal fluctuations, caused ejaculate to mix with vaginal lubrication to create that wonderful gush.
Isn't it nice that this happened during a time in your life when we hear so much about a woman becoming "dried up" and waning in her sexual physical abilities? You are flowing the goddess's own fountain in your mid age! Congratulations! You must be living (and loving) right!
Fanny
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Send your questions to askfanny@fatalemedia.com.
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