Dear ${token1},

We received a letter this past month from Ben Kunkel, who wanted to know:

“What is the best way to please a woman, when you have no experience whatsoever? I know it will be nerve-wracking the first time, but that is normal!

“I want to make love to my girlfriend, but I have never done it before! I have seen it plenty of times on TV and at the movies, but, can I do that?

“How will I do? Will I be good or bad? Do I need practice? Is someone allowed to show me how, or does that take the fun out of it? Do you have any ‘first-time’ videos or something? Can you help me? I look forward to any advice you can offer me!”

Well, Ben, first-time lovemaking is always scary. The most important part about it, though, is to talk to your girlfriend. You can explore together, and begin with some romance.

Kiss and cuddle, gradually undress each other and explore each other’s bodies. But don’t pressure yourselves to make love just because you’ve planned for it!

As for videos that show first-time lovemaking, you might want to check out Nina Hartley’s Making Love to Women DVD.

We do know you can learn a lot from watching other people make love.

Most important is to allow yourself the freedom to experiment, to overcome whatever is holding you back and to talk with your girlfriend about your feelings.

We wish you a happy, sexy New Year!

Nan & Christi
nan@fatalemedia.com
christi@fatalemedia.com

In the August 2006 issue of the Utne Reader, we found this quote from Jackie Strano, singer-songwriter, director and creator of the lesbian-owned and -operated S.I.R. Productions. She also stars in Hard Love.

“The world is a much better place when men learn how to have multiple orgasms and get penetrated and women learn how to ejaculate. Balancing power is a good thing for this planet, and playing with power is a sexy thing when it comes to fantasy and role playing.”

We’ve written before in this column about dressing up as a form of role play, and if you’ve never role-played before, dressing up is a good place to start.

Power play is not for the faint of heart.

Warning: If you find yourself power-playing with a partner who has psychological problems, who is depressed or harbors deep anger, stop.

Power play is often associated with BDSM, but you don’t have to be a sadist or a masochist in order to enjoy what happens in sex when you role-play.

Marty Klein writes in his article “Aw, Bite Me”:

“At its core, erotic power-play isn’t about pain or humiliation, although it may have these elements. It’s fundamentally about intensity, communication, fantasy, empowerment, spirituality, lust and testing limits. It’s also about trust.”

To get used to how power is wielded and withheld, begin with simple role reversal and experiment. Assume a position in bed you’ve never tried before. Here are three suggestions:

1. If you’re always on top of your lover, lie on your back.
2. If you like bending over, try strapping it on.
3. If you usually lie side by side with your lover and have “equal sex,” get on top of your lover and take charge.

Control is the key to power, and with it comes enormous responsibility. Pay attention to your lover, listen to her, watch her and respect her.

In giving up control, you may think you’re in a powerless position, but you’re never truly powerless. Control is a gift you give to your lover.

If control is the key to power, trust is its heart. Without trust between you there is no ability to push the limits of sex. No one has true control without complicity.

Annie Sprinkle’s Herstory of Porn - not for the faint of heart!

Phyllis Christopher’s Sextrospective - a perfect date-night stills show DVD to play while you woo her to bed

For more lesbian DVDs, don’t miss Shar and Jackie’s steaming Sugar High Glitter City

And stay tuned for the new DVD from the director of Full Load. Coming soon!

Many of you know g-spot expert Deborah Sundahl as Fanny Fatale. In “Ask Fanny,” an exclusive column created just for this newsletter, she answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot.

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Hello, Deborah,

I am a 42-year-old heterosexual, G-spot- and female-ejaculation-aware, experienced female who practices safe sex and wants to find the same in a male partner.

So that I may fully let go and fully enjoy a sexual experience, I need to know that my male partner can relate to me orgasmically and is willingly interested in actively joining me on a journey to the same level of bliss that I have recently discovered on my own after an abusive marriage and difficult divorce.

Obviously, it’s impossible to attain if only one in a partnership is going there. I know I can have these bliss orgasms because I have experienced it twice, thanks to your book! The increasing frustration and difficulty I am having is in finding it with the men I am dating.

What are some practical, real-life tools, messages or words that you can suggest, which I, as a single female, can use to attract and encourage men who truthfully “get it.” I want to positively influence my encounters with men without scaring them away.

Rita

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Dear Rita,

Your journey from abuse to bliss is not an easy one. You had a lot of courage to stay the course!

Have you read the book, He’s Just Not That Into You? This book will help you not waste one iota of your precious time while you look for a decent and loving man, someone who will honor and appreciate your desire and ability to have truly loving, emotionally available and skilled erotic communion with a partner. Keep it next to your bed like a Bible.

If the men you date don’t get it, or they are cowards and get scared away, keep moving and keep looking. That’s all you have to do. Don’t settle. You know firsthand the pain of getting caught up in that again.

Express the erotic love you now feel in your body and heart through physical affection and sex, as appropriate, with each man you date.

Don’t put the cart before the horse, looking for the perfect Tantra or Female Ejaculation Mr./Ms. Right. Go one step at a time with each new date that you have other things in common with, and if he likes the loving, unconditional, physical affection and returns it, take another step. Don’t wait for him to give it to you; you go, grrrl! And express freely what you now feel inside. Know that in doing so, your loving, erotic feelings are right and good, and nothing else matters. However, if it is not returned, onward to the next guy. Don’t skip a beat. Don’t look back.

Be selective and protective with your newfound love! Don’t throw pearls before swine (once you see they are swine), as the saying goes. Don’t get discouraged having to go through a dozen or more men. Jewels in a haystack are not easy to find. Stay pragmatic.

Fanny

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Send your questions to askfanny@fatalemedia.com.

Each month, we welcome your letters—about any related topic you wish to comment on.

Here’s a comment from a Fatale Web site visitor this last month:

“Please have more black/Latin studs and femme porn.”

We agree wholeheartedly with this sentiment, but a lot of people don’t know that in fact several Fatale titles feature Latinas and femmes. Here’s a short list:

Hungry Hearts - featuring the sexy Latin butch Pepper and her lusty femme Reeva

Suburban Dykes - also featuring Pepper and the femme Nina Hartley

Take Her Down! - starring the Hispanic lesbian couple Butch and Raven

Sugar High Glitter City - for some serious femme on femme action with black, Asian and white girls

Afterschool Special - a double DVD with Turn Me Up, this wild ride has dykes of all colors in a group sex scene that is still a tingling turn-on

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Send your letters and comments to christi@fatalemedia.com.

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In last month’s poll, we asked: Do you ask for what you want in bed?

We received 166 votes, and for very different reasons, you don’t mind being told what to do in bed. Split right down the middle as to why, however.

See the full results of the December 2006 poll here.

This month, fueled by some heated discussions over the holidays, we ask you: Is porn a dirty word?

Vote now! The poll is on Fatale’s home page.

And we’ll give you the results next month.

Happy New Year!

Nan and Christi
www.fatalemedia.com