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Fatale Media   Fatale Media Newsletter November 2004
In This Issue: Is Butch/Femme Dead? 
•   Is Butch/Femme Dead?
•   Q&A: Ask Fanny...Is Female Ejaculation Pee?
•   Sex Tips & Tricks: Sex Music
•   What’s New at Fatale: Bend Over Boyfriend on DVD
•   Free Shipping, Free Gift-Wrapping
•   Mainstream versus “Real” Porn
Is Butch/Femme Dead?
Dear Friend,
Thank you for all your e-mails and letters. Lots of intelligent, opinionated voices among this group of dedicated porn-lovers.

Two letters struck us as we went through the mail, and we want to talk about the first one here. See “Mainstream versus ‘Real’ Porn” below for the second selection.

Lavinia wrote to us about butch/femme:

“I am presently in Europe and I visited Amsterdam in Holland, which was once renowned for being the gay capital of Europe. I must have trolled around every sex shop with my girlfriend to try and find some Femme and Butch one-on-one sex videos. Could we find any!! What is happening to the gay community?

“Lesbians should start producing their own products, for there own communities...

“The older I get, the more I see and sometimes realise that in a lot of ways the gay community is progressing, but we are leaving a lot of roots, principles and important things behind.  Femme/Dyke is vanishing and Femme n Femme is ruling, coz it’s more fashionable.

“Is this the same in America? It is getting this way in Europe and even more so in England, where I am from!!! OMG!!”

#   #   #

Lavinia, your point is well taken. In videos and films, it can be hard to find butch/femme action. Nan says, “That’s why we’re here!

And it’s true that in mainstream porn, you rarely see butches—just femme/femme, also known as “girl/girl.”

But Lavinia is also saying that in our gay/lesbian community we’ve gone so far beyond our “roots” that we’ve forgotten our origins. Forgotten where we came from.

Here’s our analysis of “trends” in the U.S., as reflected in what we created along the way:

In the 1970s, after Stonewall, lesbians got into the androgynous thing. Butch/femme went into hiding.

In the 1980s, after the lesbian sex wars and at the advent of On Our Backs, which Nan co-founded, we saw a resurgence of butch/femme values and, yes, even products (see Joan Nestle’s book, The Persistent Desire: A Femme-Butch Reader, in which Christi has a piece published; now out of print but available used from www.amazon.com).

In the ‘90s, we saw more of a femme/femme trend. Why? “Lipstick Lesbians” came out of the closet. The novelty of femme/femme loving came of age. (See Hungry Hearts for a femme/femme flick.)

Now? We’re seeing an emphasis on transgendered loving—check out Full Load for a totally mixed bag of trans/lesbian porn. Butches are all around us, but to Christi’s femme eye, not as proudly out there. Maybe that’s because she has Nan and doesn’t have a roving eye anymore, but still.

And let’s be fair about this. There are wonderful butch/femme organizations out there. Take a look at www.butch-femme.net and www.butch-femme.com.

Queer pride has risen too. Here we’re talking the pierced, tattooed set who refuse to hide their identities in any way, shape or form, even at corporate jobs. One of the tattooed stars of Take Her Down! moved to Los Angeles and is happily working back in the corporate world... with long sleeves on, yes, but her pride is intact. She’s not afraid to affirm her lesbian identity. And she’s a butch! Go figure.

Okay, this calls for more discussion. What do you think? Is butch/femme dead? Just hidden? What gives with the femme/femme trend in Europe? How’s life in Australia, Japan? Are we forgetting where we came from? Does it matter? Send us your opinion.

To those of you in the U.S., we urge you to vote tomorrow. And have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Yours in good sex and love,

Nan & Christi

See a real present-day butch/femme couple in action in Turn Me Up Over and On.
Sex Tips & Tricks: Sex Music
One of our favorite sexy songs is Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On,” from his album of the same name. And then we realized, hey, just because we like it doesn’t mean anybody else would want that for background music on a first date.

So we thought we’d offer some tips on sex music etiquette... whether it’s your first date or a quick fuck or you’ve been together for a while and want to spice it up.

1. If she’s never been to your place before, and here you are, offer to let her peruse your CD collection while you fix something to drink—a cocktail, tea, coffee, water—whatever she wants, just like the music.

2. If you’re at her place for the first time, again she gets to pick out the music while you scope out the decor.

3. Now, if she’s a hot and courtly butch who wants you to pick out the music, go ahead, just try to keep it sexy, by however you define sexy. It’s okay. Tell her that if the music you pick out really isn’t to her taste, you'll find another CD you both like.

4. Look over the CD collection together and see which artists you both have. Listen to her! What does she say about one of your favorite bands?

5. You (usually) can’t go wrong with standards—Sarah Vaughn, Billie Holiday, Nat King Cole, among many others. If she’s not familiar with them, see if she’s open to something new. And for sure a peek into her CD collection will tell you something about her tastes. Are you willing to listen to something new?

6. If you find a CD she’s compiled herself of other artists’ work, go for it!

7. If all else fails, put on some Marvin Gaye and kiss her!

E-mail your tips and tricks to christi@fatalemedia.com. You could be published here!

What are your Top 5 Favorite Sex Music CDs or songs? Fill out the Fatale Media Feedback Form and we’ll compile the results in the December 2004 issue.

Free Shipping, Free Gift-Wrapping
Just a reminder that when you order three videos or DVDs, you get free shipping within the U.S.

Plus, we offer free gift-wrapping and free gift cards. Just click “gift wrap” on the order form. Fatale’s got perfect gifts—and new gift packages—for Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries and wedding celebrations!

Check out the Fatale gift packages!
Q&A: Ask Fanny...Is Female Ejaculation Pee? 
Many of you know g-spot expert Deborah Sundahl as Fanny Fatale. In “Ask Fanny,” an exclusive column created just for this newsletter, she answers your questions about female ejaculation and the G-spot.

Dear Fanny,

My wife swears that female ejaculation is just a bunch of women who are peeing. It looks like pee. It does not look anything like a man's ejaculate. What is the content of a woman's ejaculate?

We watch a lot of pornos and occasionally you will see a woman come and it looks more like a man when he comes. It's white and comes out of her vagina. What is that all about? It's really a turn-on when a woman comes out of her vagina. It's not so much of a turn-on when it looks like a woman is peeing. How can I convince her that it is not pee?


Johnny, via e-mail


Dear Johnny,

Mainstream pornos aren't the best place to get reliable sex education (novel thought, isn't it?), so what you were seeing may indeed not be the real thing, i.e., female ejaculation. Perhaps that is why the mainstream porno folks call female ejaculation “squirting.”

Female ejaculate gushes and flows like a fountain out of the urethra—just like male ejaculate comes from the same “orifice” as men's urine, the urethra.

Female ejaculate is comprised of prostatic fluid and glucose. Prostatic fluid is fluid from the prostate—in men it is white and creamy and in women it is watery-looking, not yellow, but clear. Women's vaginal lubrication is white and creamy.

The G-spot is the female prostate. When stimulated SLOWLY and properly, it swells quite a bit, so much you can feel it make the vaginal opening get tighter. When the ejaculate begins to gather in the G-spot, it will feel like the urge to pee. This is not pee; this is ejaculate wanting to come out.

Most women don't ejaculate because they think this feeling means they will pee—it’s as simple as that in most cases. But when a woman's G-spot is truly aroused and large (it grows and swells just as the penis grows and swells), she will have a hard time actually peeing, just as a man has a hard time actually peeing when his penis is erect.

The best way to determine if it is pee or ejaculate is to smell it. Female ejaculate has a “fresh and light” smell, so that there’s almost no smell at all.

Remember: There is no way to make your woman ejaculate if she doesn't want to. It's really up to her to want to.



Send your questions to askfanny@fatalemedia.com.

Check out Deborah’s explicit how-to video, How to Female Ejaculate: Find Your G-spot

What’s New at Fatale: Bend Over Boyfriend on DVD
Bend Over Boyfriend is now on DVD
You asked for it, we got it. The top-selling Bend Over Boyfriend is now available on DVD or video—your choice.

"Bend Over Boyfriend couldn't be more user-friendly: part sex education, part erotic show and tell...I would like more women with male lovers to know the pleasures of ravishing their husbands and boyfriends..." —Susie Bright, Salon.com

Check out Bend Over Boyfriend on DVD now!
Mainstream versus “Real” Porn
In each issue of Fatale News, we want to hear your ideas, opinions, comments.

Michael from Virginia wrote us a thoughtful, wonderful long letter, from which we’ve pulled this excerpt:

“I feel there is a great role in film art that porn needs to appeal to. I do agree that there are not enough ‘real people’ used in porno films. There are far too many ‘Cream Queens,’ ‘Monster Cocks’ and ‘Face Fuckers’ in porno, which does give the effect of female actresses in the light of being coerced, brainwashed, big- or enormous-breasted Bimbos who will fuck anyone in a minute’s notice. And their counterpart, Male Studs with huge dicks all in league to be the longest cock on the block.

“It’s time to eliminate this view and show real people. Women who look like and are the women we meet in everyday life. Men who are not just hanging ball-deep past their kneecaps but are sized in the normal capacity... .

It’s no wonder the political right wishes to attack porno films.

“I’m for keeping it real and I really appreciate the work of Nina Hartley, Annie Sprinkle, Candida Royalle and Deborah Sundahl, just to name a few of the outspoken actresses in porn.”

Michael, we couldn’t agree with you more. It takes courage for “real people” to act in porn flicks, too. We offer our thanks to all those men and women who have that courage and keep it real.

Yours in good sex,
Nan and Christi


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