Many of you know g-spot expert Deborah Sundahl as Fanny Fatale. In “Ask Fanny,” an exclusive column created just for this newsletter, she answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot.
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Dear Fanny,
What is tantric sex? Do you have to be religious to do it?
Signed,
Curious
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Dear Curious,
Tantric sex is sacred sexuality; that is, treating sex like a meditation, like a special, sacred act. It is about cultivating erotic expression on its highest level: love. Practitioners use Eastern methods of meditation to do this: yoga, breathing techniques and the energy system of the body.
Given that American culture hails from a Puritan approach to sex (shameful and sinful), and given that the porn industry is, actually, the flipside of Puritanical beliefs and practices (rebelling against constraints and taboos), Western culture really has no model for treating sexuality in a sacred context.
Our religions do not have teachings to guide their followers in this regard, choosing instead to focus on its shameful, sinful and “Puritan” aspects, and to “abstain” rather than “embrace, explore and develop.” Our culture is a violent one as well, and this violence is expressed in the vast majority of our culture's depictions of sexuality.
In an effort to correct this imbalance, Tantra was imported from Eastern religions into Western culture about twenty years ago, and is growing in popularity. To evolve from a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am sexual being into an artful, skilled and loving embodiment of sexuality takes years to learn, perhaps a lifetime.
Therefore, to seriously practice Tantra, or sacred sex, it is first necessary to study yoga postures, Eastern meditation breathing practices, and Eastern ideas of the energy body.
In addition, learning Western practices of understanding and acting out one's sexual fantasies, kinks and desires is also necessary.
Once a person has learned both Eastern and Western ideas and practices of sexuality, and integrated them fully into their erotic lives and self-identity, only then can most people in Western culture truly begin to attain a higher erotic expression of divine love.
In Tantra, it is believed that male and female carry different energies (yin and yang), and this applies to lesbian and/or gay sex too. Masculine and feminine energies are necessary to combine in lovemaking in order to reach high states of love and “consciousness.”
Considering the differences between these energies, creating a true give-and-take of yin and yang (feminine and masculine) to create one unified, working whole, is no small feat.
But then, living a meaningful life that expresses one's highest divinity is not easy, either. As humans, the best we can do is to strive to be the best we can, try not to stress about not being perfect, and enjoy the journey, not the goal.
Happy Valentine's Day!
Fanny
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Send your questions to askfanny@fatalemedia.com.
