Ask Fanny: The Urge to Female Ejaculate

Deborah Sundahl G-Spot ExpertG-spot expert Deborah Sundahl, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale, answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot.

Dear Fanny,

My partner ejaculates now and then, and we are wondering how to make it happen all the time. We have been together about 12 years now, and she often feels “uncomfortable” in her pelvis area after lovemaking.

Jacob from Olympia, WA

Dear Jacob,

You are not alone in wanting to know how to make female ejaculation happen all the time, or at least when you’d like it to. This is a common question for many couples. The uncomfortable feeling of pressure that she is experiencing after you make love is female ejaculate that has not had a chance to be released. What to do?

First off, remember it is okay if a woman does not ejaculate every time she makes love. To put that kind of pressure on her—really, on both of you—is to run the risk of making the female ejaculate stop altogether, which it will.

Next, here are some of the possible reasons why your partner is not ejaculating every time the two of you make love:

• Oftentimes, women mistake the urge to ejaculate as the urge to pee and therefore clamp down on the urge to ejaculate.

• Women don’t always trust that this is indeed female ejaculate, and therefore (almost instinctively), they don’t let go, physically and emotionally.

• Most women are not aware of the many sensations inside the vagina, including the G-spot’s erotic sensations. In order to ejaculate, a woman needs to be more aware of these varied sensations. It may seem counterintuitive, but this lack of awareness actually can lead a woman to control her ejaculate so it won’t release; she holds back; she doesn’t trust the urge to ejaculate.

The best way that I have determined from teaching my female-ejaculation and the G-spot workshops for many years now is to do a meditation massage session, at least five of these in the space of 2-3 weeks.

G-spot massage allows a woman to connect with the vaginal and G-spot sensations of pleasure. This is not about masturbating per se, stimulating the G-spot to pleasure; this is about getting acquainted via touch with one’s G-spot in a deeper way than just knowing how to stimulate it to create pleasure.

The end result is of course more pleasure and more control in a good way over the ability to female ejaculate.

And, just as importantly but far more overlooked, you and your partner benefit from gaining an intimate knowledge with what the G-spot feels like when it is not in high-gear, erotic performance mode.

By trying massage, women feel so much more connected to their G-spots and to the “urge to ejaculate.” Through this process, a woman becomes conscious of her ability to control her ejaculate. This means she no longer holds back, but understands how to ejaculate whenever she wants (or not)!

Next time, we’ll discuss how to massage your G-spot. Stay tuned!


P.S. Deborah Sundahl teaches these skills to couples in her annual weekend workshop for couples, taking place this year on a lovely island just west of Seattle, June 1-3, 2012.

P.P.S. Experience a workshop with Deborah Sundahl’s bestselling Female Ejaculation: The Workshop and Female Ejaculation for Couples.


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