G-spot expert Deborah Sundahl, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale, answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot.

Dear Fanny,

My partner ejaculates now and then, and we are wondering how to make it happen all the time. We have been together about 12 years now, and she often feels “uncomfortable” in her pelvis area after lovemaking.

Jacob from Olympia, WA

Dear Jacob,

You are not alone in wanting to know how to make female ejaculation happen all the time, or at least when you’d like it to. This is a common question for many couples. The uncomfortable feeling of pressure that she is experiencing after you make love is female ejaculate that has not had a chance to be released. What to do?

First off, remember it is okay if a woman does not ejaculate every time she makes love. To put that kind of pressure on her—really, on both of you—is to run the risk of making the female ejaculate stop altogether, which it will.

Next, here are some of the possible reasons why your partner is not ejaculating every time the two of you make love:

• Oftentimes, women mistake the urge to ejaculate as the urge to pee and therefore clamp down on the urge to ejaculate.

• Women don’t always trust that this is indeed female ejaculate, and therefore (almost instinctively), they don’t let go, physically and emotionally.

• Most women are not aware of the many sensations inside the vagina, including the G-spot’s erotic sensations. In order to ejaculate, a woman needs to be more aware of these varied sensations. It may seem counterintuitive, but this lack of awareness actually can lead a woman to control her ejaculate so it won’t release; she holds back; she doesn’t trust the urge to ejaculate.

The best way that I have determined from teaching my female-ejaculation and the G-spot workshops for many years now is to do a meditation massage session, at least five of these in the space of 2-3 weeks.

G-spot massage allows a woman to connect with the vaginal and G-spot sensations of pleasure. This is not about masturbating per se, stimulating the G-spot to pleasure; this is about getting acquainted via touch with one’s G-spot in a deeper way than just knowing how to stimulate it to create pleasure.

The end result is of course more pleasure and more control in a good way over the ability to female ejaculate.

And, just as importantly but far more overlooked, you and your partner benefit from gaining an intimate knowledge with what the G-spot feels like when it is not in high-gear, erotic performance mode.

By trying massage, women feel so much more connected to their G-spots and to the “urge to ejaculate.” Through this process, a woman becomes conscious of her ability to control her ejaculate. This means she no longer holds back, but understands how to ejaculate whenever she wants (or not)!

Next time, we’ll discuss how to massage your G-spot. Stay tuned!

Fanny

P.S. Deborah Sundahl teaches these skills to couples in her annual weekend workshop for couples, taking place this year on a lovely island just west of Seattle, June 1-3, 2012.

P.P.S. Experience a workshop with Deborah Sundahl’s bestselling Female Ejaculation: The Workshop and Female Ejaculation for Couples.

We urge you to comment on your experiences–simply click “Post a comment” below.

Last month, the notion of not watching porn was mostly a nonstarter when we wondered if you needed a reason to watch porn.

Check out the results.

This month, it’s up to you to guess where we were when we came up with this sex poll question:

When do you masturbate?

Vote now! The poll is on Fatale’s home page and is completely anonymous.

We’ll give you the results next month.

Until next time, we wish you deliciously hot sex,

Nan and Christi
www.fatalemedia.com

P.S. The superb Dylan provides one of our favorite masturbation scenes in Shine Louise Houston’s The Crash Pad Series Volume 3 – Through the Keyhole.

Easily a month earlier than usual, trees and flowers are blooming.

“In the Spring a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love.”

So wrote Alfred, Lord Tennyson, the great Victorian poet, in “Locksley Hall.”

Here are our favorite frolics to celebrate springtime, good for lovers, good for romance, good for hookups!

• Corny as it sounds, our favorite way to welcome spring is to take a walk. Hold hands. Sip an iced coffee along the way. Say hello to the neighbors…or not…

• Have lunch at the beach. Pretend it’s your first date.

• No beach in sight? Find a low-lit Italian place and talk dirty to each other. It’s even more fun during the day.

• Borrow a friend’s dungeon. Okay, everybody doesn’t have a friend with a dungeon. But making love in somebody else’s “crash pad” is terribly sexy. Bring your own toys.

• Single and randy? Pick up a girl. Hit your favorite bar or coffee shop, make contact and take her home. Indulge yourself in a one-night stand.

• Go dancing. All that heat and sweat and oozing energy feeds the libido like nothing else.

• Do yourself. To celebrate springtime, you have all the power in your hot little hand.

Don’t’ forget to post your sexy moments on Facebook. Fatale Media’s Facebook wall welcomes your posts too. Be coy. We love a tease!

Happy spring!

Yours in good love and sex,

Christi and Nan
nan@fatalemedia.com
christi@fatalemedia.com

P.S. Don’t forget to check out Live Sex Show starring Jiz Lee and Nina Hartley—a springtime inspiration if there ever was one!

P.P.S. Check out all Fatale’s DVDs.

G-spot expert Deborah Sundahl, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale, answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot.

Dear Fanny,

I am 20 years old and have a girlfriend, but I can’t orgasm. She has been really good at helping me try, but I still can’t. I don’t like doing it myself either; it just doesn’t feel good.  I wish I could have an orgasm, but I don’t know what to do and feel I should reach out for some help now.

Renee

Dallas, TX

Dear Renee,

I suggest that you make a concerted effort to have your orgasm by yourself first, and give your partner a rest. It is hard on the relationship and a lot of work for the partner, without the reward or pleasure. Better to keep your relationship free of a hard burden that is mostly your affair anyway.

What to do? You can start with these three things:

1. Read this wonderful book on how to have an orgasm. Becoming Orgasmic by Julia Heiman and Joseph LoPiccolo–here’s the Powell’s Books link–takes you step by step through the elements of female orgasm and guides you to fitting sexuality into other areas of your life.

2. Check out this new video, Betty Dodson’s Body Sex Workshop.

Betty Dodson is called the Mother of Masturbation because since the 1960s, she has been teaching women how to have an orgasm. Back then, very few woman had orgasms, and it was a feminist mission to change that sad fact. Now 83 years old, she is still going strong! Aided by her younger business partner, Carlin Ross, they just finished another video of Betty’s famous workshop teaching women to ejaculate. Enjoy and learn!

3. Lastly, ask yourself what is it about touching your body that bothers you? Breath and relax into the touch. Notice what keeps you from relaxing into the touch. Be very aware of what crosses your mind, or what images comes up. This is your issue. Take this and work with it, either through simple awareness that this is the problem, or perhaps the help of a therapist.  But first, read the book and watch the video!

Pleasure will be yours! Give yourself time and permission, that’s all.

Fanny

P.S. Check out Female Ejaculation the Workshop by Deborah Sundahl.

Watch three gorgeous women learn to stimulate the G-spot and achieve beautiful orgasms in a workshop setting.

Last month, we wondered if you would masturbate or have sex on a stage, like the people do in Courtney Trouble’s new DVD, Live Sex Show. We asked: Would you ever masturbate or have sex on a stage for an audience?

Lonely Dude, also known as “Straight, single and celibate in the SoCal desert” wrote:

“I most definitely would perform onstage alone,  or with someone else.  But only if there were no video cameras, no still cameras, no cell phones, etc. But in front of a live audience of onlookers, 2 people or 20 or 200,  oh yes, that would be great fun for them and me.  My ideas are far too wild, far too kinky for the dating world,  but I’d put on a great show for spectators if I ever had  the chance.”

Thanks, Lonely Dude. Maybe you want to head to San Francisco for the next Masturbate-a-Thon.

See all the November 2011 poll results.

This month, after having read an interesting article in the New York Times Magazine called “Teaching Good Sex” by Laurie Abraham. Discussing the idea of “introducing pleasure to the peril of sex education,” one seemingly enlightened sex-ed teacher in Philadelphia is quoted as saying: “[T]here is no romanticism or intimacy in porn, porn is strictly sexual.”

We ask: In your opinion, is porn, in the words of one high-school sex-ed teacher, “strictly sexual”?

Vote now! The poll is on Fatale’s home page. We’ll give you the results next month.

Until next time, we wish you happy holidays and deliciously hot sex,

Nan and Christi
www.fatalemedia.com

P.S. Check out one of our favorite, most romantic and intimate porn DVDs, Coming Home by Carolyn Caizzi.

Our dear friend Tony wrote to us with some more insights into the oftentimes mysterious world of straight kinky relationships.

We’ve known Tony for years, and he has shared his perspectives on sex and politics and the geopolitical shifts that allow our worlds to intersect. In another place and time, our worlds would probably have never met.

But that’s the fun thing about what we do! We meet people from all over the world and from all walks of life. This business offers a wonderful place for intersections.

Our friend’s latest letter was edited slightly to avoid the e-mail censors; this is his original letter to us:

“I would like to see posting the issue of pubic hair. As I told you before, my four girls have bushy pubic hair, which gives me a great sexual appetite for a good fuck.

“I did some surveying here [in Massachusetts], asking many women if they shave or keep growing their cunt hair and why? The women who shave believe that it will be easy for them to masturbate and to be licked from both sexes.

“The other women keep growing their pubic hair, because while masturbating they love to feel the hair and touch it, especially this excites them while they are taking a shower, see the shampoo on their pubic hair, as they believe this makes them feel that their privates are special, different from others’. When it comes to sex, they get more orgasm feeling, from the tongue on their pubic hair and the dick.

“As for me I adore the pubic hair to be bushy, because once my girls finish peeing on my face and in my mouth, I suck dry their pubic hair, while doing that my girls and me, we get extreme sexual excitement.”

Yours in good love and sex,

Nan & Christi
nan@fatalemedia.com
christi@fatalemedia.com

P.S. To see bushy public areas on display, check out Full Load: Scenes from ssspread.com. The last scene, down in the laundry, is a particularly nice one.

P.P.S. To read the letter that preceded this one, see “Advice on a Sexual Issue (Drinking Pee).”

Delaware GOP nominee Christine O’Donnell said, “You can’t masturbate without lust in your heart.”

Is that true?  What do you think?

Are you a lusty masturbator?

Vote now! The poll question is on Fatale’s home page.

Stay tuned. We’ll give you the results in a couple weeks.

Until then, we wish you dazzling hot sex!

Nan and Christi
www.fatalemedia.com

P.S. Did you know? Buy three DVDs and you get free shipping. Check it out.

If you haven’t seen Delaware Tea Party darling GOP Senate nominee Christine O’Donnell talking against masturbation, do it. This must-see video is absolutely precious…and laugh-out-loud funny.

Snip: “You can’t masturbate without lust in your heart.”

Snip: “If he already knows what pleases him, and he can please himself, then why am I in the picture?”

Oh, honey!

This just in…

September 17, 2010
Delaware Masturbators March Against O’Donnell
Largest Pro-wanking Demonstration in History

WILMINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – Galvanized by Republican senatorial
nominee Christine O’Donnell’s anti-masturbation stance, masturbators
from across the state converged on Wilmington today in what some are
calling the largest pro-wanking protest in American history.

Read more at The Borowitz Report.

Thank you, Andy Borowitz!

Are you a lusty masturbator? Vote now!

Last month, we asked: Are you a fan of sport sex?

Not a whole lot of arousal, but you can check out the results here: http://www.fatalemedia.com/polls/past_polls.html

When Christine O’Donnell said in that eye-popping 1990s’ video, “You can’t masturbate without lust in your heart,” we couldn’t resist wondering:

Are you a lusty masturbator?

Vote now! The poll is on Fatale’s home page.

(If you missed the O’Donnell video, you can watch it at YouTube.)

Stay tuned. We’ll give you the results of the poll next month.

Until then, we wish you dazzling hot sex!

Nan and Christi
www.fatalemedia.com