The Art of Giving

Sex is about giving. Whether it’s a one-night stand you just met at the bar or coffeehouse or your lover of dozens of years, if you don’t give, and learn to give, there’s no spice. Gratification comes in many forms.

Nan and Deborah founded On Our Backs in 1984 with the idea that the lesbian community had no porn for itself. In 1985 they spun off Fatale, then called Fatale Videos, now morphed into Fatale Media. You know this. But the original impulse was to give images of ourselves to the lesbian community.

(To read Cory Silverberg’s recent interview with Nan about Fatale, check out

When the inimitable Shar Rednour came to Nan and said, “We’ve got to make this video…I want to call it Bend Over Boyfriend,” Nan said, “Absolutely!” Why shouldn’t the straight community have alternative images of themselves and what they really do in bed?

Each year at this time, we decide where to make a donation to organizations that make a difference in the world. This year, we’ll give donations to three, but one in particular we wanted to tell you about.

The Free Speech Coalition was founded in 1991 as the U.S. government tried harder and harder to shut down the adult industry. The Free Speech Coalition has been an industry godsend for Fatale, watching and monitoring the U.S. government regarding any attempts to close down purveyors of adult material; lobbying the U.S. government; fostering public communication and education; and when the need arises, going to court.

It wouldn’t be wrong to say that without the Free Speech Coalition, we wouldn’t be able to keep making porn and giving real images to the community—images of who we are and what we really do in bed. So for that, we are grateful.

Oh, and not to get too heavy here, we’ve also got a long list of goodies just for friends and family. Top of the list? Christi’s sister and her girlfriend are getting Shine Louise Houston’s The Crash Pad.

Tell us what you’re giving this year. You can comment here.

Happy Holidays!

Yours in good love and sex,

Nan & Christi

4 Responses to “The Art of Giving”

  1. Ben Kunkel says:

    What if GIVING is all you do?? What if you are tired of GIVING?? When does someone GIVE something to me?? Does anyone believe in an EQUAL partnership??

  2. ed says:

    Not being able to evaluate equal, I don’t try. No relationship is equal, it is a give and take to the ability of the people involved. That is if or until one partner feels short-changed. When that happens and preferably before, communication occurs which may set new guidelines or the relationship dissolves. Fortunately some of us are more natural givers and have less need to take which allows for harmony. Not being a martyr we are now communicating at gut level. Lastly I don’t believe I will ever tire of giving.

  3. Dave says:

    So that’s how it went down, huh?

    “We’ve got to make this video…I want to call it Bend Over Boyfriend,”… Why shouldn’t the straight community have alternative images of themselves and what they really do in bed?

    I don’t doubt that there are a number of dudes who enjoy this. Clearly they do. What I do doubt is that one of those dudes would be wondering around a lesbian DVD site in hopes of finding a video that instructs their partner on how to “bend them over.” The only other explanation for this is that Fatale Media released it with the hopes that lesbians may enjoy seeing a man being anally penetrated by a woman. I don’t mean to sound critical because, if lesbians enjoy watching men being anally penetrated by a woman, I say hooray for them and I hope you enjoy your movie. All the same, I don’t buy the story.

  4. authorCC says:

    Dave, the point of Fatale is the *woman’s* point of view. When we were approached about doing Bend Over Boyfriend, it was by a woman director (Shar Rednour) and woman sex educator (Carol Queen). Thus the “fit,” if you will.

    We do lesbian and alternative–female ejaculation DVDs and book, Great Vibrations, Faces of Ecstasy, Bend Over Boyfriend.

    As for lesbians roaming around wanting to see guys take it, maybe some do. But this is the real story, and one thing missing from most straight porn is the female point of view.


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