Archive for the ‘Shar Rednour Columns’ Category

Making Valentine’s Day Romantic

Monday, February 1st, 2010

Sex Expert Shar RednourBy Shar Rednour

Shar’s Confessions once again. I just like confessing to the Fatale audience. I don’t know why.

This article does include some tips for romance. I have been known as a lesbian romance and sex expert, giving advice for years. Let’s get down to it: there’s a line in the sand, my friends–the romantic planning people and the rest of us. Which side are you on? And which side is your love on? Yes, wake her up and read this to her.

For those of you who are just the best organizers and such romantic planners, why are you even reading this? YOU are the person who my wife, Jackie, points out to me, “Veronica is taking her love to Amsterdam.” “Denise has made her love a shadowbox full of ANTIQUED photos and is giving it to her on a ferry going under Golden Gate Bridge!!!”

I think I am being romantic when I remember to send her a nasty text for her lunch hour. Yes, laugh at me. Go ahead. I am laughing at myself. Sometimes even though I am the femme I relate to the guys on those daytime talk shows who think a fuck and buying you a glass of champagne is good enough. “Whaa?”

To be fair to myself, I should explain that oftentimes one’s weakness can be one’s strength because we are aware of it. I overcompensate to make up for my lack of natural romantic planning. Now, I call my friend Veronica and simply ask HER what’s she’s doing, then I copy it. Don’t tell Jackie.

But I am good at keeping intimacy and sex alive in a lesbian coupledom.

Please copy me and I won’t tell on this part.

1) Skip the Dinner
For Valentine’s Day most people go out for a fancy dinner. If you never get to go out and this is your big treat, then by all means go for it. For me, though, I find the fastest ticket to opening up and creating intimacy with your lover doesn’t always start with a heavy meal.

2) Plan where you can be intimate.
Do you live alone? Will you have the house to yourself? If not, instead of spending that money on a big meal, plan for a hotel. On the Internet these days you can get all kinds of bargains in your price range. Get a hotel even if you can’t take advantage of it for more than a couple of hours. And most importantly, get a room with a bathtub. Even if you get a cheap room, get one with a bath.

3) A) Plan sexy food. B) Plan after-sex food.
Obviously it’s freezing in most places so this is up to where you live. Get your and your love’s favorite appetizers. Wine, champagne, whatever drinks or smokes you want. Also water. For after sex, pick up something filling and yummy–your favorite comfort food. Couple of burritos, whatever. Keep them warm and hide them.

4) Pack the Love Bag.
If you are at home, get it all ready. Remember the lube, candles, sex toys, music, DVD player, favorite sexy movies, etc. If you can set up the hotel room ahead of time, without her there, all the better.

5) Pack the after bag.
Comfy clothes, favorite bath salts, lotion.

6) Thoughts and love.
Think ahead of what is special about her and about you two together. Write down your thoughts in a card. Picture how you are going to express yourself to her.

7) Make the Connection.
Start with your tasty bites…I meant the hor d’oeuvres but yes, nibble on her or offer your body for the nibbling. Don’t process the bad times or the old days or–especially if you are a new couple, please don’t process about your Ex! (See Hard Love for that.) Talk about what you like about yourselves as a couple and her and the future. Then start kissing. Don’t wait for her to start stuff. Go for it. Get in there. If you have time do a striptease for her or demand that she do one for you. Fuck your brains out. I mean it. ESPECIALLY if you are moms or caretakers or overworkers or or or not had sex in a while. FILL UP YOUR SEX GAS TANK!!!

Having sex creates vulnerability and also sets off excellent hormones and body responses that make us feel good. Being vulnerable creates a special bond between you and your love.

8 ) After sex and vulnerability.
Lay back and watch more porn, but this time pick out one with humor too. Like Sugar High Glitter City. No, not Lost. Sorry, that’s for a different night. Take a bath. Eat comfort food and get turned on again or laugh and discuss the positions. This time you might just kiss and kiss since your bellies will be full. 😉

Or you’ll be reenergized for round two.

Valentine’s Day Dread for Singles

Monday, February 1st, 2010

Shar RednourBy Shar Rednour

Jackie and I used to always have a big Valentine’s Day party every year with invitations that read “To Singles, couples, multiples that we like or that we will like once we meet you!” No Wendy Whiners allowed.

Many people hate or dread Valentine’s Day. It is made up by Hallmark, after all. Those very people loved our party. We put on the love for everyone. It was a great excuse to get dressed up and dance and hug and be schmaltzy and share the love. That whole couple Valentine’s Day article I wrote is actually what we do on our private anniversary. We always put on a public Valentine’s Day so that everyone has a good time sharing our fun and love.

I could write some fun and sassy masturbation or group-sex article. But actually I think that you should throw a Valentine’s Day party even if it’s small and for only a few people. We had a pink potluck party one year where everyone had to bring a pink food. Some of it was yummy; most of it was hilarious. My friend Patrick made a pink Jello mold creation from his mom’s 1973 recipe that we couldn’t stop laughing over and finally threw the leftovers out into the gutter in the San Francisco rain. IT NEVER MELTED! I walked past it for days, and it was still there jiggling!!!

If you want to take your party up a notch, make a porn potluck theme–Positions You Would Like to Try. Dyke Porn Stars You Would Like to Do.

Or play truth-or-dare porn. Watch Full Load or Special Delivery and get your friends to confess to what they have done, will do and would never do. The ideas are endless. The point is, anyone can stick her nose up at a created holiday and sit at home eating microwave popcorn, or you can decide it is a good time in the cold winter to have some laughs, share your affections with your friends and get heated up from the inside out.

Sex Tips: Where’s My Pole???

Friday, August 14th, 2009

by Shar Rednour
I remember Fanny Fatale doing “Stripping for Your Lover” classes back before every reality star on Earth was installing a pole in her living room. I was at my son’s preschool the other day and all the straight moms were discussing which pole-dancing class to take! They were actually embarrassed that the new mom on the block (me) overheard them. Hilarious.

Dancing to entice your prey is so sexy. My favorite part of One Night Stand is the beginning when they are dancing at the club and end up in a hot bathroom make-out. I love it.

In Hard Love we have a femme Renee stripping for a butch and–I think the first ever butch (Devon) to strip on screen. You can easily watch her moves for tips on how to do this at home. She is not perfect–I actually taught her in the moment on set. And that is a good learning tool.

The pros make it look easy, then you try it and fall down getting off your panties!

Tip 1: Don’t wear panties. Joking. Lie down on your back and stretch your legs above your head to take off your panties. Butches or masculine folks: have your babe or boi pull down your briefs for you to find a big surprise waiting!Finger Sucking JPG_opt

I find the anticipation of sex one of the best ways to get yourself eaten alive.

Tip 2: When doing a striptease, judge your audience. Is your lover (or lovers) going to be able to sit there and wait until the show is over with? Try tying her up to a kitchen chair (with no arms) with your bathrobe sash if think she is going to scoop you up and carrying you off to bed before the show is over with. Did you see how Renee and Devon ravaged each other after the heat factor went up from the stripping?

glove fisting JPG_optI KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING–what’s so bad about being dragged off to bed before the tease is done? Or better yet thrown right down and fucked silly right there on the floor? Well, it is better. If you make them wait, and squirm, and salivate, and make their fists open and close, fingers and cocks rising waiting. Trust me. It’s better.

Tip 3: For those wearing combat boots or any boots: Untie or loosen your laces before you get started. Our PA loved loosening Johnny Fremont’s (Devon’s) laces. I had to slap her to get her out of the shot.

Tip 4: Front-closure bras. That does help.

Tip 5: Zippers not buttons. Whether it’s a long zipper down your back that you need help with or a dykedick hiding under Levi’s fly.

Note: intermediates and pros can handle some buttons of course. Just practice. When there’s no time, grab the clothes with zippers. And if they stick–be prepared to lose the dress forever because you’ll want to just rip it off!

Bonus Tip: You don’t need a pole to strip for your lover.


hard_love_dvdShar Rednour is the femme diva who runs S.I.R. Video with her partner, Jackie Strano. She is also the director of Hard Love and How to Fuck in High Heels, Sugar High Glitter City and many other sexy DVDs.

“The U-Haul” by Shar Rednour

Wednesday, July 15th, 2009

U-HaulThis weekend I lost two babysitters because they were moving; three other friends at a Bar-B-Q are prepping to move as well as three other friends who blew off the party to pack up the truck. The 20-something babysitters are moving back in with their folks because the economy is ruining their summer of love.

A couple of my other friends, though, are doing THE MOVE-IN. The big one, with lovers. Cue: the U-haul joke.

Frankly, I’m a Libra—we aren’t the Cancer nesters, but dang it we love love and it’s so-o-o-o-o romantic for us to move in with a lover. I of course never want to unpack. The whole thing scares me and discombobulates me. I frantically open the Champagne that’s meant for celebration later and walk around in circles staring at boxes and getting more and more confused until I end up in a full nervous breakdown, at which point said lover realizes it’s her job to make passionate love to me to make me forget my worries.

(The problem is inevitably that I have more stuff than I have containing objects like dressers. I guess I need to grow up and pay for dressers instead of just finding them on Big Trash day. I digress. That’s either a Planet Green column or an HGTV piece, depending on which way you go.)

People get really intense when moving. Either you are not sentimental and you can throw random items like your shampoo, dildo and incense all into the same box without a thought. Or you are the opposite and every item that you pick up requires a judgment on your entire life: Is this Mustang Ranch coffee cup the first cup that her lips touched in my house? If you sell it in the garage sale does it mean she is nothing to you?

hard_love_dvdAnyhoo—in Hard Love we focus on the breakup and the Ex-Sex with good references to couch-carrying on moving day.

You would be surprised how many dykes told me that they too had had a huge Ex fight regarding the couch or other moving day extremes. Do we all owe Ex sex to anyone who carried found furniture home for us? And is it okay for the Ex to court and even fuck on that shared couch? Where is the line between slime-bag dog and utilitarian dyke?

Well, everyone does not break up after the move-in. An oldie but goodie, Suburban Dykes shows us how the serious moved-in lovers keep it hot and real.

sharon mitchell in suburban dykesWhen the doorbell rings and our loving couple opens the door to Sharon Mitchell with her bag of goodies (Nina Hartley and Pepper had ordered her as an escort to spice up their life) I cum right there without even waiting. I have the vibrator set and ready.

Listen, if butch Sharon showed up at my door I would stay married forever to my woman who ordered her up. And that’s that. The hot sex, real chemistry and gorgeous pussy shots in Surburban Dykes makes this a flick that will always stand the test of time. Just like a good move-in!

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S.I.R. Video producer and director Shar Rednour is best known for directing Bend Over Boyfriend, Bend Over Boyfriend 2 , Hard Love and How to Fuck in High Heels, Sugar High Glitter City and Talk to Me Baby.