Shar’s Confessions once again. I just like confessing to the Fatale audience. I don’t know why.
This article does include some tips for romance. I have been known as a lesbian romance and sex expert, giving advice for years. Let’s get down to it: there’s a line in the sand, my friends–the romantic planning people and the rest of us. Which side are you on? And which side is your love on? Yes, wake her up and read this to her.
For those of you who are just the best organizers and such romantic planners, why are you even reading this? YOU are the person who my wife, Jackie, points out to me, “Veronica is taking her love to Amsterdam.” “Denise has made her love a shadowbox full of ANTIQUED photos and is giving it to her on a ferry going under Golden Gate Bridge!!!”
I think I am being romantic when I remember to send her a nasty text for her lunch hour. Yes, laugh at me. Go ahead. I am laughing at myself. Sometimes even though I am the femme I relate to the guys on those daytime talk shows who think a fuck and buying you a glass of champagne is good enough. “Whaa?”
To be fair to myself, I should explain that oftentimes one’s weakness can be one’s strength because we are aware of it. I overcompensate to make up for my lack of natural romantic planning. Now, I call my friend Veronica and simply ask HER what’s she’s doing, then I copy it. Don’t tell Jackie.
But I am good at keeping intimacy and sex alive in a lesbian coupledom.
Please copy me and I won’t tell on this part.
1) Skip the Dinner
For Valentine’s Day most people go out for a fancy dinner. If you never get to go out and this is your big treat, then by all means go for it. For me, though, I find the fastest ticket to opening up and creating intimacy with your lover doesn’t always start with a heavy meal.
2) Plan where you can be intimate.
Do you live alone? Will you have the house to yourself? If not, instead of spending that money on a big meal, plan for a hotel. On the Internet these days you can get all kinds of bargains in your price range. Get a hotel even if you can’t take advantage of it for more than a couple of hours. And most importantly, get a room with a bathtub. Even if you get a cheap room, get one with a bath.
3) A) Plan sexy food. B) Plan after-sex food.
Obviously it’s freezing in most places so this is up to where you live. Get your and your love’s favorite appetizers. Wine, champagne, whatever drinks or smokes you want. Also water. For after sex, pick up something filling and yummy–your favorite comfort food. Couple of burritos, whatever. Keep them warm and hide them.
4) Pack the Love Bag.
If you are at home, get it all ready. Remember the lube, candles, sex toys, music, DVD player, favorite sexy movies, etc. If you can set up the hotel room ahead of time, without her there, all the better.
5) Pack the after bag.
Comfy clothes, favorite bath salts, lotion.
6) Thoughts and love.
Think ahead of what is special about her and about you two together. Write down your thoughts in a card. Picture how you are going to express yourself to her.
7) Make the Connection.
Start with your tasty bites…I meant the hor d’oeuvres but yes, nibble on her or offer your body for the nibbling. Don’t process the bad times or the old days or–especially if you are a new couple, please don’t process about your Ex! (See Hard Love for that.) Talk about what you like about yourselves as a couple and her and the future. Then start kissing. Don’t wait for her to start stuff. Go for it. Get in there. If you have time do a striptease for her or demand that she do one for you. Fuck your brains out. I mean it. ESPECIALLY if you are moms or caretakers or overworkers or or or not had sex in a while. FILL UP YOUR SEX GAS TANK!!!
Having sex creates vulnerability and also sets off excellent hormones and body responses that make us feel good. Being vulnerable creates a special bond between you and your love.
8 ) After sex and vulnerability.
Lay back and watch more porn, but this time pick out one with humor too. Like Sugar High Glitter City. No, not Lost. Sorry, that’s for a different night. Take a bath. Eat comfort food and get turned on again or laugh and discuss the positions. This time you might just kiss and kiss since your bellies will be full.
Or you’ll be reenergized for round two.