G-spot expert Deborah Sundahl, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale, answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot.

Dear Fanny,
I am asking for your advice on where we go from here. My girlfriend and I have been obsessed with the idea of female squirting. We have watched the DVD Liquid Love and have purchased other information talking about the art of the female orgasm. We have since purchased your DVD How to Female Ejaculate with the hope that it will provide additional insight.

Everything that we have read all indicates that every woman can achieve this type of orgasm. First, is that true or not? Second, if everyone can achieve this sensation, then why don’t more people talk about it?

My girlfriend has a friend who can do this and at first she was ashamed. She thought that there was something abnormal about her and felt uncomfortable addressing the issue until we talked to her about it. She now talks to us openly about it and in a way we have made her feel better about herself and more comfortable with it when it does happen.

We, however, are still chasing a beat that we can’t catch. What can we do?

We live in North Carolina and are wondering if you knew anyone in or close to this area who can coach us through it, through counseling or any other form of instructional therapy.

We have a wonderful relationship and a great sex life, and we know this is not a deal breaker. Everything that we have read, however, indicates that this is the complete orgasm for a woman. Being her lover, and the joy that she brings me, I want to do whatever I can do. Believe me, I am not complaining but female ejaculation has to be the icon of taking it to the next level. Any advice or help you can offer would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

Regards,

Alan from North Carolina

Dear Alan,
All women can ejaculate, because all women have the anatomy to do so; that is, the female prostate, which is what the G-spot is. Most people still don’t know about female ejaculation because the culture has been certain that it does not exist, or has mistaken it for urine.

We have been told by the medical profession that the female prostate, the G-spot, is vestigial, dried up and nonfunctioning. Well, it is alive and fully functioning and overflowing with that lovely feminine fountain that is female ejaculation!

Correct information goes a long way in getting this charming delight working again. I am an expert on the subject and make it very accessible for women and their partners to understand and to achieve. My book and videos will help you a lot toward that goal.

There are no teachers that I would recommend in your area. Sex education and places to hold such informational workshops are still only available primarily in the Northeast and on the West Coast. I am holding a workshop for couples in Santa Fe, New Mexico, over Labor Day Weekend, September 5-7, 2009. Find out more here.

And I am available by telephone for coaching. Usually, great progress can be made with one phone call.

This unique and special joy awaits you, don’t despair. But pressure to perform will shut it down, so please enjoy your relationship and what you do have.

Fanny

Do you have a question for Ask Fanny? Send your questions to askfanny@fatalemedia.com

Find out more about Deborah Sundahl’s How to Female Ejaculate.

Deborah Sundahl – a.k.a. Fanny Fatale – headed to Las Vegas last week for the Adult Entertainment Expo at the Consumer Electronics Show (CES).

“For three days,” she says, “I sat in seminars and listened to important discussions about the women’s market for porn. Yet when the Big 4 executives—from Hot Movies, Hustler and other big companies—sat down at a panel, not one word was mentioned about women or the women’s market. It’s like women don’t exist for them. Only the Internet and men.”

What does this mean? Deborah thinks the big boys are out of touch, that women do represent an important factor in the adult market. Since the days of the anti-porn crowds, many, many years ago, women have come into their own vis-à-vis adult.

Friends Deborah ran into in Las Vegas include Nina Hartley, Tristan Taormino, Kim Airs and the gals at Babeland. 

Two more pictures of Deborah in Las Vegas:

Some of you are interested in slowing down and going deeper into your sexuality, your erotic desires and your intimacy with a partner. For those of you who are ready or curious, Tantra is your ticket.

Here for the New Year are Five Principles of Tantric Sex to contemplate:

Breathe
The vast majority of people hold their breath when they are sexually excited or about to have that orgasm. Tantra teaches the opposite: breathing will lengthen and heighten your sensual pleasure and your orgasm.

Relax
Most folks tense up when they are trying to have an orgasm – especially when we use a vibrator. Tantra teaches how to have exquisite orgasms by doing the opposite: relaxing.  Relaxing into pleasure. Breathe. Relax.

Open Your Body to Sensation
When we tense and don’t breathe, we feel fewer sensations, and therefore need more stimulation (like a vibrator or harder cracks on the ass) to become aroused. Tantra teaches the body to become nearly electric with sensation when it is touched.  Breathe. Relax. Feel More Pleasure.

Circulate Erotic Energy throughout Your Body
Why let that large pool of erotic sensation stay in the genital area? That aroused state is energy, and it is delicious. Tantra teaches how to expand that energy beyond your genitals and into the rest of your body. That feel-good pleasure is healing to every cell, as well.  Breathe. Relax. Feel More Pleasure. Have a BodyGasm.

Resources
My two favorite books:
Tantra Between the Sheets by Val Sampson
The Essential Tantra by Kenneth Ray Stubbs and Kyle Spencer

My favorite video:
A two-set by Margot Anand, the French-born and Sorbonne-bred lady who brought the old ancient Tantra tradition to America in a modern form: Secret Keys to the Ultimate Love Life.

My favorite educational Web site: Tantra.com

May your new year find you slowing down, vibing in and turning on with greater depth and pleasure.

Fanny
askfanny@fatalemedia.com

For tips on Tantra and Tantric sex, check out Deborah Sundahl’s DVD, Tantric Journey to Female Orgasm: Unveiling the G-Spot and Female Ejaculation.

G-spot expert Deborah Sundahl, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale, answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot.

Hello, Fanny,

I was wondering if it is possible to improve the taste/smell of my ejaculate. My partner says that it is quite acidic and burns her throat. Upon tasting it myself I quite agree, and now understand why she chokes sometimes. Also, the scent is quite strong, bordering on unpleasant for both of us.

I am aware that my ejaculate should be light and fresh, and mine is not even in the ballpark. I am also quite positive it is not urine, since I have tasted that as well. I don’t push really hard (when I ejaculate), because I don’t have to (so I am not leaking urine). Mostly, I am receiving oral sex when I ejaculate (hence her choking). Sometimes it squirts out a bit, and other times (my female ejaculate) just gushes out.

I ejaculate almost every time I orgasm. I can have many orgasms in a session, so therefore I ejaculate a lot. I’m 39 now, and started to ejaculate in my 30s.

I have taken prescription medication for many years, but none of it is new, nor has it changed in many years, except Cymbalta, which I started in April, 2007. I don’t use illicit drugs. Of course, my diet could use improvement, but it’s not terrible.

The medications I currently take are:

Cymbalta 60 mg – depression
Zoloft 75 mg – depression/anxiety
Avapro 75 mg – high blood pressure
Lipitor 80 mg – high cholesterol
Trazodone 50 mg – sedative for bedtime
Clonazepam – anxiety for bedtime
Multi-vitamin
Acidophilus – GI infections

I wouldn’t even say that urine smells as unpleasant as my ejaculate. What can I do or try?

Sincerely,

Jane & Natalie

Dear Jane and Natalie,

I have not heard of this problem before, so initially I was completely stumped. Female ejaculate, like other bodily fluids such as tears, vaginal lubrication, etc., have certain tastes and smells that are “normal” or have a normal range. Your ejaculate falls out of the normal range. Therefore, what’s wrong?

I suspect the prescription drugs you are taking. It is an extensive list and you have been taking them for quite some time. I would see your doctor, and tell him or her about this side effect of burning, acidic ejaculate that you are experiencing. Also, consider getting a second and third opinion on your medical diagnoses and treatment plan—a standard practice in the health care industry.

I’m sorry, I don’t know of any natural remedy, food, tea or hydrosol to correct this problem. Should I stumble upon one, I will let you and the Fatale readers know. If anyone has any suggestions, please write in.

I feel compelled, as an herbalist, feminist and Goddess feminist, to comment here about pharmaceutical drug use.

1) As Goddess juice (female ejaculate), your ejaculate is, I believe, telling you—quite loudly—that these drugs aren’t that great for your body.

2) As a feminist, I believe it is worthwhile for us as a culture to take a look at the drugs we are taking in record numbers today. In the 1950s, women were popping sedatives in unprecedented numbers. Marilyn Monroe’s pill popping was not unusual for her gender and her time. As well, women were also undergoing lobotomies in record numbers. The complaints were for a “problem that has no name” as Betty Friedan made famous in her book, The Feminine Mystique. This is the book that started the 1960s feminist movement.

3) As an herbalist, these days the future is about going Green, and that includes what we put into our bodies. Natural alternatives support the body like food does, rather than overburden it with pharmaceutical chemicals—possibly destroying the utterly divine, fresh and light smell that is our female ejaculate.

In next month’s column, we will talk about toxic sex toys, plastics and phthalates.

Fanny
askfanny@fatalemedia.com

For tips on how to female ejaculate, check out Deborah Sundahl’s new DVD, Female Ejaculation: The Workshop.

G-spot expert Deborah Sundahl, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale, answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot.

Do you have a question for Ask Fanny? Send it to askfanny@fatalemedia.com.

Dear Fanny,

I have an issue. When I masturbate and reach an orgasm, I ooze out and it’s thick and clear. Also there’s a massive volume of it. I do massage my g-spot and I don’t know why it’s like that, but when it happens it’s really intense. But mine doesn’t come out like water, nor does it squirt out. I know it’s not female lube; this only happens when I massage my g-spot and then cum. What is it? Is it still FE?

Terry

Dear Terry,

Female ejaculation is clear and watery. It doesn’t always arc out; often it just gushes or floods. Vaginal lubrication, as you stated, is thick, creamy and white.

Therefore, even though you are stimulating your G-spot, and it sounds as if you are having a wonderfully intense G-spot orgasm, you are not ejaculating. You are creating a large amount of vaginal lubrication.

Some women create copious amounts of vaginal lubrication. But you can tell it is from the vagina and therefore not female ejaculation, which emits from the urethra, because it is thick and white. You can’t always see the white by looking at it, but it is not clear and watery like female ejaculation.

Smell will help decide it for you. Female ejaculation smells fresh and light, basically odorless. Vaginal lubrication is heavier, with a slight, musky odor.

Fanny

For tips on how to female ejaculate, check out Deborah Sundahl’s new DVD, Female Ejaculation: The Workshop.

This comment was originally posted last month in the “What is Squirting?” Ask Fanny Q&A. With Mariste’s permission, we posed the question to the FE Queen herself. 

Dear Fanny,

I have seen videos of this so called “squirting.” It all seems enormously fake. A woman rubs her pussy for less than 30 seconds and then liquid squirts out of her as if from a water cannon. How in the world does this happen? Do they rig her up somehow? Do they make her have a pussy enema and then she holds it in until it’s time to squirt on camera? I really want to know.

Mariste

Dear Mariste,

Much is exaggerated in porn, because porn is a fantasy for the most part. However, it is true that many women “arc” when they ejaculate, and it is also true that the amount they ejaculate can be half a liter.

Although that is the extreme expression of female ejaculation, it is by no means rare or dramatized. Real women can gush that much fluid, and if they are on their back with no penis inside them, many women’s vaginal (pc) muscles are so strong, they can easily push the ejaculate across the room.

Whew! It is exhilarating to watch, and that is why you see so much showbiz fire hydrant female ejaculation in porn. Porn is a show, after all.

I can’t critique porn scenes on female ejaculation, but I’m quite certain that when female ejaculation becomes more accepted as a mainstream behavior, that the populace will be able to tell a fake from a real, so any shenanigans that the adult stars are doing now to ejaculate will no longer fly.

Meanwhile, I’ve spend my career making female ejaculation not only accessible to the average women, but real. It usually takes about 20 minutes (give or take 10 or so) for a woman to ejaculate. For sure all the stars who do ejaculate in 30 seconds have stimulated themselves for a while before you get to see the “cum shot,” as it is called in porn. This is what is called editing, my dear.

Fanny

To see how to really female ejaculate, check out Deborah Sundahl’s new DVD:

Female Ejaculation: The Workshop.

G-spot expert Deborah Sundahl, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale, answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot.

Hi Deborah,
My partner of two years has always ejaculated freely and has been a bit despondent that she was not “normal”—her juices flow fantastically when I stimulate her g spot; we are now getting her equally excited with clitoral stimulation. On a recent holiday we made love on our balcony and she really let go and flooded the place!
 
My only concern with this is that, contrary to much reading on the subject, her juices do smell quite strongly of urine, and do stain my mattress quite badly. Should we be concerned? As the joy I get from pleasing her so is fantastic I want to do it to her all the time.
 
Regards,

U.K. Fan

Dear U.K. Fan,
It is not uncommon for ejaculate to occasionally smell like urine, and for some women, the smell of urine can be strong and ejaculate can leave stains on the sheets.

Sometimes a woman’s ejaculate is strong with urine during the second phase of her menstrual cycle. Another factor that can cause this is pushing too hard to try to ejaculate. 

It may be possible to curtail the flow of urine with some practice and an acute awareness of the sensation of ejaculating versus the sensation of urinating. This may take a while—a year or more—to master, and it may not work in all cases.  However, I believe the urine can be decreased by lessening forceful pushing out and with more physical awareness of the difference between body fluids.

A gentle reminder, as well, to you that although female ejaculate is exciting to you and you want to do it all the time, please remember that women’s bodies are indeed delicate and perhaps too much stimulation and her trying to please you with more and more ejaculate could also be causing her to push too hard and too often.

Female ejaculate is best enjoyed when it flows easily from the body as a shower of love and connection and joy…and for a woman, a balcony would be just the thing….

Deborah

For more advanced tips on how to female ejaculate, check out Deborah Sundahl’s new DVD, Female Ejaculation: The Workshop.

Dear Fanny
My wife has been just learning [to female ejaculate] and can’t fully get it to spray yet, but she does have it come out, but not a lot yet. It’s all new to us so far.

Signed,

Tony in New York

Dear Tony in New York,
Congratulations! Your wife is ejaculating!  I’d love to hear from her how that feels, but I can guess it feels tremendous.

Not all women spray out, or even want to spray out if they can. Most women just “gush” and this “gushing” amount is sometimes overlooked as excessive vaginal lubrication. For sure, it is still ejaculation, because the amount of ejaculate has nothing to do with the act of ejaculating.

So therefore, your wife is definitely ejaculating. The quantity of ejaculate can increase over time – a few years – as a woman learns to feel comfortable with ejaculating, and also integrates ejaculating into her normal lovemaking routine. So, perhaps over time you MAY find this lovely spray upon your arms and chest – smile – but for now, celebration is in order!

I say MAY because not all women will arc out, and remember, many women cannot arc out or even ejaculate if there is something in their vagina at the moment of ejaculation, so let your penis, fingers or toy come out of her vagina when she starts to push out the ejaculate.

Good luck!

Deborah, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale
P.S. See Deborah’s latest DVD, Female Ejaculation: The Workshop.

G-spot expert Deborah Sundahl, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale, answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot.

This month, she’ll be in Europe, so we thought we’d share her schedule with you. If you’re in the neighborhood, stop by and hear Deborah speak about female ejaculation and the G-spot. She also does private counseling with women and couples.

May 4, 2008
7:00-11:00 pm
“Tantra and Female Ejaculation”
Lecture Open to the Public
(In English with German translation)
Toulouse Center
Hamburg, Germany
Pre-registration required.
Sponsor: No Guru
For more information, e-mail: info@no-guru.net

May 6, 2008
7:30-9:00 pm
“Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot”
Lecture Open to the Public
(In English with German translation)
Pro-familia
Hannover, Germany
Pre-registration required.
Sponsor: Liebhabereien
For more information telephone: (0)511 473 9974
Or e-mail info@liebhabereien.com

May 9-13, 2008
“Wild, Wet and Overflowing”
Female Ejaculation Workshop for Women
with Devaka Hoffmann and Deborah Sundahl
Freiburg, Germany
(In German with English translation)
Pre-registration required.
350 Euros plus food and lodging.

Information in English: Visit here.
Information in German: Visit here.
For more information, contact Devaka at (0)761-13 79 79 66
Or e-mail devaka@sinnliche-wege.de

May 30, 2008
Female Ejaculation for Women: “Masters’ Class”
London, England
(In English, German translation available.)
Pre-registration required.
Sponsor: Nikki Anderson
For more information, contact (0)2074 01 9880
Or e-mail: nixi71@yahoo.co.uk

PRIVATE COACHING SESSIONS
Book a private session with Deborah in these cities and dates:

GERMANY
Berlin – May 1-4
Hamburg – May 4-6
Hannover – May 6-7
Freiburg – May 7-9 and May 13-16

ENGLAND
May 27 – June 2

DENMARK, FRANCE AND SCOTLAND
May 17 – May 26

To schedule a session and for rates, contact Deborah: deborah@isismedia.org

Deborah will return in the next issue of the newsletter for Ask Fanny Q & A. Please write “Ask Fanny Question” in the subject line. Send your questions to askfanny@fatalemedia.com.

Be sure to check out Deborah’s new DVD, Female Ejaculation: The Workshop.

G-spot expert Deborah Sundahl, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale, answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot.

Dear Fanny,
Hello, I am a squirter and was wondering, how do I increase the projection of the squirt in distance and the liquid amount of my squirts? Is there something I can do to facilitate this amazing womanly feat? I do okay now…but I want to become a super squirter and squirt even farther. What are some tricks of the trade when it comes to squirting? Please do tell…I want to know…

Dawn, via e-mail

Dear Dawn,
You increase the projection of the ejaculate arch by lying on your stomach and by having nothing in your vagina that might obstruct the flow. The stronger your PC muscles, the farther you can shoot.

The amount of ejaculation usually increases over time, as women become used to ejaculating. Letting go completely will increase the amount of ejaculate, as will continuous stimulation. However, the latter’s amount is only increased over the course of a lovemaking session, not in one single ejaculate. There is also more ejaculate after ovulation and up to menstruation.

Are your aspirations professional? “Super squirter” and “tricks of the trade” make me think you wish to appear in porn films. If that is the case, most profuse ejaculators are pretty much born that way, just like popular male porn stars are born with large members. You can attempt the suggestions above, and see what happens.

But overall, each woman’s capacity and preference for ejaculating with exuberance and skill varies, quite naturally, among individuals.

Good luck!

Fanny

Send your questions to askfanny@fatalemedia.com.

Be sure to check out Deborah’s new DVD, Female Ejaculation: The Workshop .