Posts Tagged ‘Ask Fanny’

Try Something New

Friday, March 4th, 2016

Bend Over BoyfriendBend Over Boyfriend 2







We know spring is in the air because Bend Over Boyfriend and the Bend Over Boyfriend Gift Set have been flying out the door.

Must be something in the air that says to couples, “Try something new!”

We couldn’t agree more: Try something new and find out if you love it!


Deborah Sundahl G-spot expert







Speaking of trying new things, our friend Deborah Sundahl has a newly refashioned website up,, and we urge you to go check it out.

She’s got new classes and workshops about the G-spot as well as “teacher training.” If you want to learn to become a sex educator and teach  women how to female ejaculate, click on “Teacher Training” to see what it’s all about!

If you want to learn more about female ejaculation, take a look at Female Ejaculation: The Workshop or Female Ejaculation for Couples, either one the perfect place to take a step at trying something new!

You may also know Deborah as “Ask Fanny Fatale,” whose column about female ejaculation and the G-spot answers your questions. Here’s a recent column, “Ask Fanny: Is My Girlfriend Having Orgasms?

Like Us on Facebook



We urge you to try something new. And tell us about it on Fatale’s Facebook page. We love to hear what you’re up to!

Be sure to like Fatale’s Facebook page while you’re there!

Ask Fanny: Confused

Friday, November 7th, 2014

d_sundahl_bw_150wG-spot expert and author Deborah Sundahl, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale, answers your questions about female ejaculation and the G-spot.

Dear Fanny,

I read your book Female Ejaculation & the G-Spot (btw…great book!).

So this morning I tried ejaculating without an orgasm (I’ve never had an orgasm…but that’s a different topic).

Here’s where I’m confused. I’m not sure if I had FE or not. I think I did based on what you described the fluid to look like and smell like (clear & not an acidic smell) in the book but after I think I had a FE, I didn’t have to urinate.

Do women always urinate after they had a FE?

Also, I didn’t feel an overwhelming feeling of success or euphoria…I was confused with myself. Is this a normal reaction?

Any insights would be greatly appreciated.

Confused in Spokane, Washington
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Dear Confused,

Congratulations! You had your first ejaculation!

You don’t always have to urinate after having an ejaculation.

Any kind of reaction is normal, because each woman has her own unique response. If your confusion bothered you, then ask: why were you confused with yourself?

You haven’t had an orgasm yet; therefore, are you going to move farther into the book and try to have a G-spot orgasm? I suspect you experienced confusion because you were stimulating your G-spot, and this is an emotional orgasm. Sometimes the emotions are unpleasant, especially if women have “issues” with their sexuality, present or past. Confusion is a good way to cover up deeper emotions/feelings.

I’d say the most important task for you now is to attempt to have an orgasm. Make sure you read the chapter on the G-spot massage.

Please let me know your progress.


P.S. Deborah Sundahl’s all new, revised 2nd edition of Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot (Turner Publishing, 2014) is in stock and available for purchase now. All orders are ship within 24 hours, and free gift-wrapping is available.

Ask Fanny: Keys to Female Ejaculation

Saturday, December 1st, 2012

Deborah Sundahl Female Ejaculation ExpertG-spot expert Deborah Sundahl, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale, answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot.

Dear Deborah,

I’ve identified some things that help me ejaculate: being relaxed; massage on the whole body; lots of stimulation and preliminaries before masturbation starts; pressure on my pelvis; performing oral sex on my partner while she masturbates me. Are they all “procedures” you would recommend? Any others to add?


Jane C.

Dear Jane,

This is good that you know your body and what it likes!! Most women ejaculate when they are relaxed and feeling happy with themselves and their partner. Often, a woman going through a divorce or difficult time with her partner will stop ejaculating. This is because female ejaculation is tied to our emotions; the G-spot is emotional by nature! Good news for women who can now express themselves fully during lovemaking and through their G-spot orgasms.

Therefore, how you touch a woman or how you touch yourself is not a procedure; rather it is a time of self-loving and expressing love to your partner. The more you connect on this level, and let your body talk and lead by getting your thoughts out of the way, the more pleasure you have and the more you ejaculate. Then, you will be shocked at the large quantity that you can ejaculate, and the fun you both can have, and the dance that occurs without effort, seemingly on its own.


Send your questions to

P.S. Check out Adventurous Couples Unite!, the perfect gift for those who want to explore female ejaculation.

P.P.S. Ask Fanny’s advice columns, including “G-Spot Ecstasy,” sex tips and more, are located here at the Fatale blog in the category “Ask Fanny.”

Ask Fanny: G-Spot Ecstasy

Wednesday, August 1st, 2012

G-spot expert Deborah Sundahl, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale, answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot.

Hello, Deborah
I’ve purchased both your book and video in my desperate quest to join the female ejaculation phenomenon. Years ago, when I was younger, I ejaculated and like everyone for the first time, I had no idea what it was.  Fast forward 16 years later, now at 38, I’ve been trying for a few years–little squirts but a strong smell of urine, even after using the toilet.

After reading the book Deborah Sundahl G-Spot ExpertI continued to be confused and unsuccessful. After purchasing the video, last week, I did it–and it was a big gush. It was everything I’ve read–no smell, different taste and no trace of it once it dried. I was so proud.

I went back at it the next day–nothing! Now every day since then, still nothing. I’m getting the “pee” feelings, feeling orgasmic, relaxed and ready, so I push…little trickles that ultimately smell like urine.

Help!! What am I doing wrong?


Looking for G-Spot Ecstasy

Dear Looking,
Thanks for writing to me. First off, congratulations! You ejaculated! Go out and celebrate the reclaiming of your womanhood at age 38, after stopping it all these years because you didn’t know what female ejaculation was! For that is what women do–we unconsciously just stop doing it, because it could be pee or worse. Who knows! We just don’t think about it. I am glad you are proud!

So, that being the case–years of controlling and holding back ejaculate–do you think it is just going to magically spout forth because now we want it to? No! Our bodies are not machines, and most certainly our G-spots are not. Rather, the G-spot is the gateway to higher love and intimacy.

The other problem is feeling “desperate “ Desperation causes pressure. In my book I write that pressure will make you not ejaculate. We don’t want desperate.

Time for a big, deep breath. Relax. Breathe. Treat your G-spot and vagina like tender gold, okay?  Sweet and soft, loving. Slow down. You would not believe how many women I have to advise to slow down!

I would say the urine you initially smelled was because you were perhaps pushing too hard? Without knowing the details, I would say that watching the video–which one was it? I’m assuming it was How to Female Ejaculate: The Workshop–unconsciously helped you to let go.

Letting go is of course the biggest obstacle for women in learning to ejaculate, especially because of the fear of urinating.

You also cannot expect to ejaculate the same “big” way the next day! Your body needs a rest, especially if you are just learning. As men know, if they masturbate too much, they will blow out their prostate glands (that “dull ache deep inside” that men can get is from too much ejaculation).

Therefore, yes, you were getting the pee feelings, and feeling orgasmic, of course, because you are arousing yourself, but then you can’t go any further. I’d say this is because of a combination of 1) it being too soon since you last ejaculated fully, 2) also you’re still new at it and 3) you’re probably trying again too hard and/or too soon to push.

You have to make sure that you take time to build up the arousal, and the best way to do that is to enjoy yourself without wanting to do it too fast. Relax! Take your time. Enjoy the process. Breathe deeply to work up such a big orgasm. This can be a months-long learning process.

In a way, what you described about the “little trickles” could be the perfect description of “clearing out the pipes”!

Big hug for your really great work so far! Next step: celebrate yourself. Second step: slow down, breathe and relax. Please keep in touch, and let me know how it is going.

Let It Flow,


P.S. Do you have a question about female ejaculation and the G-spot. for “Ask Fanny,” a.k.a. Deborah Sundahl? Write to askfanny (at) Your letter will be kept in strictest confidence, reprinted here only with your prior approval.

Satisfaction…Getting No?

Friday, May 4th, 2012

Wendy Delorme Sexual Satisfaction and Female EjaculationThe issue of women’s satisfaction in bed has been of more than passing interest to us since the beginning. After all, that’s how Fatale Media came of age.

Our friend Deborah Sundahl, known also as “Ask Fanny,” is our very own female-ejaculation expert who knows a thing or two about women’s satisfaction in bed. After all, she teaches women and couples how to expand their relationships and how to achieve sexual satisfaction they couldn’t have dreamed of before.

Curious, we asked Deborah what questions she gets most often about sex. In response, she sent us a new “Ask Fanny” column.

  • What is “the urge to female ejaculate”?
  • Why can’t a woman have G-spot orgasms each time she and her partner make love?

These are the questions Deborah addresses in her Q&A “The Urge to Female Ejaculate,” and in her female-ejaculation workshops.

Yours in good love and sex,

Christi and Nan

P.S. Deborah’s next female ejaculation for couples workshop is to be held in Seattle, June 1-3, 2012. You can also experience one of Deborah’s workshops in Female Ejaculation: The Workshop.

P.P.S. Check out all Fatale’s DVDs.

Ask Fanny: Lubrication with Oil?

Thursday, January 12th, 2012

Deborah Sundahl Female Ejaculation ExpertG-spot expert Deborah Sundahl, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale, answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot.

Dear Deborah,

Is lubrication with oil a must or should we reserve it for those times when the surfaces are not that moist? I shall be grateful for your clarification on this rather basic point.

Wishing you a very Happy New Year.

Best regards,

Curious in India

Dear Curious,

Olive oil is nourishing to the skin, as Queen Cleopatra from ancient Egypt knew. Use lubricant that is nourishing to the vagina, like natural oils of any kind (jojoba, almond, avocado, etc.).  View the vagina as skin that needs or likes “food,” rather than using a lubricant to “make” her ready.

As you will learn when you read my book, Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot, I encourage every woman to know her body. This is more than finding a technique or “prescribing” lubricant. You will know when you want to use lubricant, and when you do not need or want to. In this way, you will have more than enough natural lubrication, too!

Again, the more you can listen to your own body, specifically your vagina and what she needs and likes, the more success you will have with the G-spot orgasm and with female ejaculation. And in the end, the more intimate connection you will have to yourself and to your partner.

Have fun!


Female Ejaculation for CouplesP.S. If you plan to be in the Pacific Northwest this spring, sign up for Deborah Sundahl’s female-ejaculation women’s workshop scheduled for the weekend of April 20-22, 2012. A workshop for couples runs April 27-28, 2012. View more information here at Deborah’s Web site.

P.P.S. Check out Female Ejaculation for Couples by Deborah Sundahl to see how couples can stimulate the G-spot and achieve female ejaculation in a workshop setting.

Ask Fanny: Finding Time for Romance

Thursday, September 15th, 2011

In “Ask Fanny,” a regular Fatale Media newsletter column, G-spot expert Deborah Sundahl, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale, answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot.

Deborah Sundahl Female Ejaculation ExpertDear Fanny,
I have three kids in grade school and to be honest our lovemaking is taking a beating. There just is no time for quality time together sexually, much less learn about female ejaculation, which seem to take a lot of time to learn.

Do you have any suggestions?


Swamped in Pennsylvania

Dear Swamped,
Every parent I know has the same problem, and yet the answer is what parent guides have been saying for years: you must take time for your relationship!

I firmly believe that once a month you MUST schedule a weekend together, alone and uninterrupted. Sexuality and lovemaking and time together form the glue that keeps your relationship strong. If you starve it, you end up hurting the entire family in the end. You must put your relationship first, and you must spend the money to invest in this.

Often, the grandparents are all too happy to babysit the kids. One couple I know had 10 brothers and sisters and grandparents all in town, happy to watch the kids, but he didn’t want to “impose.” For one thing, cousins want to see each other, and second, to the vast majority of grandparents, their grandkids are the most important thing in their life and gives them great joy. I told him he was not only robbing his immediately family but his extended family as well.

No family around?  You must develop your neighborhood network of swapping and watching one another’s kids.

Logistics and commitment aside, once you have a weekend together, believe me you will have plenty of time to learn how to female ejaculate!

Practice, practice, practice. That’s the key, in my experience, to learning new sexual techniques.

When you see how good you feel and how restored your relationship is, you won’t hesitate to make time for you and your sweetheart.

Good luck!


Female Ejaculation for Couples DVDP.S. Want to find out more about female ejaculation?

Check out Deborah Sundahl’s popular sex-education DVD Female Ejaculation for Couples.

Ask Fanny: Love and Aging

Wednesday, September 1st, 2010

G-spot expert Deborah Sundahl, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale, answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot. You may send your questions to; please put FE Q&A in the subject line.

I first heard about you listening to the Playboy radio channel. You are absolutely gorgeous. My wife and I are 56 and the loving feeling is gone. She has gone through menopause and does not care about sex. She says I can have her if I want to, but I want her to want it not just to feel sorry for me. Can you recommend something to help? She doesn’t want to take hormones and I’m wondering if any of your specialties could help.

Dear Jim,
In a nutshell, once women reach menopause, most do not want the standard fare that they have had all their life–sex that is rather like sport sex. Women after menopause do not lose their libido, they lose their desire for this kind of sex and want far more loving, connective and energetic intercourse with a man who expresses his love for her.
This time of life for you both can be so loving and close, as the sex moves from sex to lovemaking. Women like your wife often do not realize there is more for them. I don’t hear you talk about love, so perhaps that isn’t there for you either, in your own heart? 
The G-spot, as I may or may not have said on the radio, is all about love. Gateway to deeper love and intimacy. The first step is for her to understand and awaken her G-spot on her own! She has to want to. You can’t do it for her, like many men want and like many woman think the knight will ride in and save the day. 
And you must awaken your own G-spot too, so visit the Aneros site, get yourself a toy, and start opening up your own sexuality for your next phase of life. It will be the best “sex” you have ever experienced throughout your entire body, and it will be gentle on an aging body, as well.
I will send my workshop announcement to you.  Please read it, as you will get the drift of where I am going with the G-spot, when I talk about love and aging.

To see more about Deborah Sundahl’s female-ejaculation and G-spot workshops, check out her Web site:

She is hosting a 3-day “Feminine Fountain Workshop” for women only, September 24-26, 2010, in Palm Coast, Florida. The registration deadline has been extended to September 15, 2010.

If you can’t attend one of Deborah’s very popular workshops, we recommend her female ejaculation DVDs, in particular Female Ejaculation: The Workshop and Female Ejaculation for Couples .

Ask Fanny: Easier Female Ejaculation

Tuesday, June 1st, 2010

G-spot expert Deborah Sundahl, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale, answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot. You may send your questions to; please put FE Q&A in the subject line.

Dear Fanny,
I used to be able to female ejaculate, but lately it seems it’s not as easy as it used to be. Is there anything I can do to make it easier again?

Anonymous in New York

Dear Anonymous in New York,
The ability to female ejaculate is often characterized by sensitivity to one’s connection to your partner and also to yourself. If it is not as easy to ejaculate as it once was, this situation often reflects a change in your relationship from closeness to more difficulties or distance.

If you’re not in a relationship, this can reflect a change in how you relate or perceive yourself; perhaps you’re not feeling as attractive as you used to feel about yourself.

Sometimes for women who are very profuse when they ejaculate, they begin to have problems or doubts about ejaculating so much liquid. They then curtail their desire to ejaculate or don’t do it as frequently. If they are not conscious of these doubts, it can seem to them as if it is becoming more difficult to ejaculate, when in fact they are holding themselves back due to not wanting to create such a big pool of water every time they are sexual.

Lastly, if a woman has been performance-oriented and trying hard to ejaculate, she may find her ability waning somewhat, due to pushing too hard (both literally and figuratively). As I have said many times, the surest way to not ejaculate is to pressure yourself. Relax and enjoy the process

In the same vein, a change may be coming over your sexual desires. Perhaps you have been having lots of sport sex, and now you want to go more inward and explore what your sexuality would be like from the perspective of expressing love and intimacy with yourself or a partner. 

Bottom line: don’t worry about this change in your ability to ejaculate. Use it as the opportunity it is: to take a look at your erotic life for changes, or changes you are beginning to want to make.


Want to find out more about female ejaculation?

Check out Deborah Sundahl’s popular sex-education DVD Female Ejaculation for Couples and her equally popular book, Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot.

Ask Fanny: Exercising Your G-Spot

Saturday, May 1st, 2010

G-spot expert Deborah Sundahl, a.k.a. Fanny Fatale, answers your questions about female ejaculation and the g-spot. You may send your questions to; please put FE Q&A in the subject line.

Dear Deborah,
Is it true that a woman’s G-spot is like a muscle and that if you don’t exercise it then you can’t ejaculate?

Caroline, New York

Dear Caroline,
In general, yes to your question. Use it or lose it, as they say. 

But as I have been saying for many years now, the G-spot is not a muscle or a wildly erotic spot on the vagina. The G-spot is the female prostate, which we feel through the roof of the vagina, and all women of course have a prostate just like all men do!

“Not using it” is a female ejaculation slumber that most women are now waking up from, thank goodness!  All women can ejaculate, by the way, if they want to. Please don’t pressure yourself to ejaculate if you don’t want to.  And also apply the no-pressure rule if you are learning. Relax and enjoy the process.

Good luck!


Want to find out more about female ejaculation?

Check out Deborah Sundahl’s popular sex-education DVD Female Ejaculation for Couples and her equally popular book, Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot.